Marriage Tune Up

For the last couple of years, I have had a burden to take the couples in our church on a marriage retreat.   Not that I think the married couples in our church are in trouble, quite the contrary.  The idea of a marriage retreat isn’t necessarily to fix the broken parts, but to keep the marriage from breaking, to shore up some basic areas to keep the marriage healthy. 

My doctor recently recommended I have an annual physical, just to make sure that everything was working like it should.  He made this statement: “sometimes, we focus on a particular diagnosis and can be blinded to what else may be going on.”  He was referring to my cancer diagnosis and how often times, doctors will focus on a known issue and not consider what else may be happening.  I have been thinking about this statement and how it can apply to many things, including marriage. 

You and your spouse may be going through a challenging area together and you are focusing on that one area to the detriment of the rest of your marriage.  Sometimes, it may be your children.  It may be finances.  It may be something else entirely.  Those issues will come and go, but your marriage will remain. 

Let me give you a couple of thoughts on some routine maintenance for your marriage.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married 5 months, 5 years, or 50 years, these things will help. 

Tell your spouse you love them.  Often.  Repeatedly.  Many people assume their spouse knows this.  Remind them.  Don’t let them forget.  But telling them that you love them also reminds you of that fact.  Yes, it’s important that you don’t forget you love your spouse!  I have had many couples in my office for counseling over the years that the conversation gets to this point:  “I just don’t love them anymore.” Or “I’ve fallen out of love.”  Love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action, it’s an attitude, it’s an aptitude.   

Tell your spouse why you love them.  What is it about them that you love?  Is it their strength?  Is it their compassion?  Is their ability to go above and beyond to help people?  Why do you love them?  This is so important.  Think for just a moment with me.  Why do you love your spouse?  If you can’t give me several reasons, maybe you need to spend some time reflecting on this.  My wife bought a piece of wall art years ago that says "I love you because" and then below it is a chalkboard.  Occasionally, she will write something about why she loves me.  I so enjoy seeing what she writes.    

Date your spouse.  Life is crazy.  Especially right now.  Work, kids, bills, who has time to date?  You better make time.  Dating your spouse is essential for your marriage.  Keep those connections alive!  Many think that once the wedding is over, so is the pursuit.  Oh no, continue to pursue your spouse, just like before you got engaged and married.  People need to know that they are wanted.  They need to know that you need them in your life. 

Be intimate with your spouse.  No, I’m not talking about physically.  Talk with your spouse about your fears, your dreams, your goals, your worries.  Sharing those deeply personal things is the basis for all other forms of intimacy.  True intimacy in marriage is being real with your spouse.  Try this:  pray with your spouse.  Take some time and just pray together. 

These are just a few ways to you can give your marriage a quick tune up.  Pick one and try it today.  Plan a date night.  Have a conversation with them.  Let them talk and you just listen.  Reconnect and reap the benefits. 

My Response to the Governor's Requirements for places of Worship to Reopen

I pastor a small, independent, Baptist church in south central Kentucky.  From the end of March through April, I attempted to meet the flocks’ spiritual needs through online services and a couple of drive in services.  I was never satisfied with my ability to lead our people in worship during this time.  I am not a “digital pastor.” 

I made the decision to not have in person services.  There was no convention, association, or district leadership making that decision for me.  I believe that at the end of March when I made that decision, it was the best decision for the congregation of our church.  At the end of March, we had at least 5 families that had a member that just been in the hospital for a procedure or were in their recovery period from a medical procedure or had underlying health problems that made them vulnerable. 

I, as the pastor, felt the leadership of the Lord to resume in person services.  On the first Sunday in May, we held in person services.  Our attendance was not as high as it was in early March as I expected.  I spent time researching common sense approaches to take to keep our congregation safe.  Contrary to popular opinion, I am not a loose cannon out to make a bold statement.  I sent a letter to each family in membership outlining these steps.  The first Sunday back provided me the opportunity to minister to the congregation both in person and for those that did not feel that they should attend, online.  It was also a learning opportunity.  I have made a few adjustments and feel confident that our congregation will be as safe this coming Sunday, as they would be at Wal-Mart or Sonic or in an office building. 

The governor of the Commonwealth has issued requirements that churches must follow to be allowed to reopen.  Sorry, Gov, but that cat’s out of the bag.  The courts have ruled that the executive order preventing in person services are unconstitutional.   I have been reviewing these requirements and have decided to formalize my response to them. 

I have taken these directly from the governor’s document entitled “Healthy at Work – Places of Worship – Final Version 1.0.”  (The requirements are in red).  I will only respond to those that apply directly to my specific Church.

Places of worship conducting in-person services should limit attendance to no more than 33% of the building occupancy capacity, including clergy and staff-employees, while maintaining social distance between household units of at least six (6) feet. This means that there must be six (6) feet between individuals on a row and individuals between rows, such that a six-foot radius is maintained around all household units. A place of worship that cannot maintain this space must further reduce its occupancy capacity until it is achieved.   I have already arranged our seating to make the 6 feet of distance easily maintainable.  I have no issue with doing this.

Places of worship should ensure, to the greatest extent practicable, that clergy, staff-employees,volunteers and congregants wear coverings (e.g., cloth mask or bandana) over their mouths and noses while attending services.  No.  I will not require anyone to wear a mask.  The letter I sent out said that anyone would be welcome to wear a mask if that felt that they should.  If, as according to the CDC, we maintain appropriate social distancing (as in above), masks are not necessary.  They are to be used in areas where social distancing is hard to maintain. 

Places of worship should wait to reopen youth services (including, but not limited to, Sunday schools) until childcare services have reopened on June 15, 2020. Once they reopen, youth services should follow the requirements posted for childcare services.  This does not make any sense to me.  If a young person is safe in the auditorium, following step #1, why aren’t they safe in a classroom, following step #1?  This is an overreach by the government.

Places of worship should avoid congregational or choir singing during services, as doing creates a higher risk of spreading infectious particles. Houses of worship should consider alternatives to congregational singing, including by playing pre-recorded or live instrumental music (e.g. pianos and guitars - no wind instruments) during services.  No.  The governor should review the Bill of Rights.  Government cannot restrict our form of worship.  Singing is a Biblical mandate for the church.  (Isaiah 12:5, Isaiah 42:10, Jeremiah 20:13, Romans 15:9, and about 14 verses from Psalms that direct Christians to sing to the Lord, plus others that I have not mentioned).  Again, if we are following step number 1, this is an overreach by the governor. 

Places of worship should consider taking congregants’ temperatures and asking about signs of illness before admitting them into the place of worship. If they do take temperatures, they should consider using a non-contact thermometer or thermal imager.  If a place of worship must use a standard oral/aural thermometer, consider having the congregant take their own temperature and relay the information to maintain social distancing and sanitize the thermometer after each use.  No.  I have instructed our church family that if they are feeling unwell or have a fever or other symptoms to stay at home.  These families are led by adults that can make these decisions. 

Places of worship making restrooms available must ensure restrooms are only used by one person at a time and all portions that are regularly touched (e.g., door, sink, and toilet handles) are appropriately disinfected after each use.  Excuse me?  Does Wal-Mart have to disinfect the restrooms after each use and are limited to one person?  Are the restrooms at factories disinfected after each use and are limited to one person?  I don’t think so.  This is another overreach of the government.  Perhaps the Governor should review the Commonwealth’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act which requires the government to use the least restrictive means of furthering a compelling government interest.  Unless Mr. Beshear is going to require Wal-Mart to limit their restrooms to a single person and insist that they be disinfected after each use, he cannot require the Church to do so. 

Places of worship conducting in-person services must, to the greatest extent practicable, provide hand sanitizer, handwashing facilities, tissues, and waste baskets in convenient locations, Really?  We have been doing this for years, it is common sense and common courtesy. 

Places of worship should not provide communal food or beverages to clergy, staff employees, volunteers, or congregants.  I hope that the Gov is referring to the grand Baptist tradition of potlucks and not to the practice of Communion, otherwise known as the Lord’s Supper a Biblical mandate to the Church.  (Refer to a previous response for my response to this suggestion; notice this is a “should not,” and not a “must.”  Perhaps they realized the thinness of this ice.)

The remaining requirements are either common sense things like proper cleaning and not touching your mouth or rehash previous statements. 

We will have in person services this Sunday.  We will gather, worship the Lord together, and fellowship together.  Yes, we will use common sense to help keep everyone safe-social distancing, hand sanitizer, no handshaking, etc.  We will not conform to these requirements that are in violation of our civil liberties, and more importantly, a violation of our sincerely held practices and beliefs.   

You may disagree with this.  You may think we are being reckless and insensitive.   If you are not comfortable coming to church or going to the store, or going to a restaurant, then do not.  That is your right.  But it is our right to do so if we chose.  Just as we will not harangue you for staying isolated, please do not harangue us for living our faith.  

Current Times in Light of the Bible

I consider myself a student of the Bible.  In fact, I have a Bachelors’ degree in Theology and am I test away from a Masters’ degree in Theology.  For over 20 years I have read, studied, and meditated on God’s Word consistently, but there are things that still confound and confuse me.  

There are many mysteries in the Bible (not my word, God Himself calls them mysteries).  One thing that always seems to intrigue people is the Book of Revelation.

The Book of Revelation details what will happen in the last days.  One of the key people in this explanation is the Anti-Christ.  Though never identified by name or specific details (wouldn’t that have been nice) we can understand quite a bit about him. 

To gain an understanding of the Anti-Christ, we need to look at another book in the New Testament, the book of Second Thessalonians, chapter two.  Let me quote the text below:

2:1 ¶ Now we beseech you, brethren, by the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, and by our gathering together unto him,

 2 That ye be not soon shaken in mind, or be troubled, neither by spirit, nor by word, nor by letter as from us, as that the day of Christ is at hand.

 3 ¶ Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;

 4 Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God.

 5 Remember ye not, that, when I was yet with you, I told you these things?

 6 And now ye know what withholdeth that he might be revealed in his time.

In verse number 3, we find the Anti-Christ by two other names, the “man of sin” and the “son of perdition.”  Notice that the text states very clearly that there will be a falling away and then the man of sin will be revealed.  Then again in verse 6, we find that the Anti-Christ will be revealed in his time. 

We can surmise that something happens that sets the stage for the Anti-Christ to be revealed.  Some catastrophe occurs that creates the perceived need of strong humanistic leadership.  We don’t know what this event or events may be.  Some have speculated that it would be a global war, terrorism, or an economic collapse that creates such an atmosphere.  Regardless of what the circumstances may be, the Anti-Christ will step up and say that he has the answers, he can save everyone. 

Notice with me verse 4 is a description of the Anti-Christ’s attitudes.  He opposes all that is of God; he exalts himself above all that is called God.  He sits in the temple of God, as if he was God.  What does all this mean?  The Anti-Christ views himself as above God or the notion or idea of worshiping God.  He would say that worshiping God is outdated or old fashioned, that holding to the Christian faith is not necessary or prudent during this day and time (during the great crisis).  The Anti-Christ will set himself up as having the solutions to all our problems.

How will people respond to the Anti-Christ?  With disdain and angst?  With disbelief and heartache?  To find out, we will look to Revelation 13

Re 13:4 And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?

 5 And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.

 6 And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven.

 7 And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.

 8 And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.

Notice that in verse 4, the people worshiped the dragon and the beast (the Anti-Christ).  In verses 5 and 7, power was given to the Anti-Christ and in verse 8, we see that all the earth will worship him.  The Anti-Christ becomes a world leader whom all adore and worship.  All that is, except those whose names are written in the Book of Life—those who are born again Christians. 

People respond to the Anti-Christ willingly.  If we were to continue studying in Revelation, we will see that the Anti-Christ proceeds with giving the people the mark of the beast.  The scriptures tell us that people cannot buy or sell without the mark.  People will surrender their basic civil liberties for the Anti-Christ, because he will save us all. 

One of the questions I always ask myself is how can this transpire?  How can we, freedom loving Americans, willingly surrender our rights and liberties to the Anti-Christ?   As I study the book of Revelation, I see no prophetic mention of the United States.  This tells me that we as a nation must surrender to the Anti-Christ readily early after he is revealed. 

Considering recent events, I have learned some things.  I have learned that the citizens of the United States will for the most part fall into line when someone says that “this is for the greater good.”  I have learned that the American people are easily panicked and will look for a strong voice in times of distress—any strong voice and that strong voice will become an overnight idol in the hearts and minds of countless thousands of people. 

Why will the world turn to welcome the Anti-Christ?  Because it is in our nature to do so.  We, as humans, have a need for a strong leader.  When one rejects God and His Saviour, that leaves your heart open for someone else to fill that need.  As the Beloved Apostle John tells us, we ought to try the spirits to see if they are of God.  Not all strong voices we are hearing these days are Godly. 

Have Faith in God

Have faith in God.  How many times have you heard a preacher or fellow Christian say those words or something just like them?  Just have faith.  Just believe.  Just trust.

As a preacher I’ve probably told someone words to that effect hundreds, if not thousands, of times.  Your loved one is sick?  Trust the Lord.  You’ve got bills that you don’t know how to pay?  Have faith in the Lord.  Your teenager is giving you trouble?  Have faith. 

These aren’t platitudes we use to try to make each other feel better, but quite honestly, this is the best advice we can give to each other.  This morning, you may be struggling with needs.  You may be struggling with issues that no one else knows about.  Those secret things that are weighing you down that you haven’t shared with anyone.  Perhaps it’s a medical diagnosis that you are trying to get your mind around.  Perhaps your marriage is in trouble.  We all face a multitude of struggles and heartaches every day. 

Let me be perfectly honest with you:  I struggle with this.  When my needs are larger than my resources; when things are not going according to my plans and my ideas, my faith isn’t what it ought to be.  Wait a minute, you may be thinking, you’re the preacher!  You’re the pastor!  You’re supposed to have rock solid faith!  True.  But so are you!

I was listening to some music the other day.  A song played that spoke to my heart.  The song was talking about the disciples on the boat in the middle of the sea and the storm came up and they were afraid.  It got so bad, that they thought they were going to die.  Jesus was asleep in the back of the boat. They woke Him and He calmed the wind and the seas. 

As I was listening to this song, I was struck by these thoughts.  First, they weren’t alone.  Jesus was with them in the storm.  They weren’t facing the storm without Him.  Not only did they have Jesus in the boat, there were most likely a total of 13 men in that boat—the 12 disciples and Jesus.  They had each other.  You may indeed be facing issues of life this morning, but you’re not the only one in that boat!

Secondly, I was struck by the thought that Jesus was waiting on them.  I can picture in my mind the disciples running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to figure out what to do.  Peter was probably mouthing off to James and John; Andrew was asking Phillip what to do; Matthew was wondering why he ever left the tax collector business.  But in the back of the boat was the answer, the solution to their problems.  Jesus. 

Thirdly, I realized that Jesus wasn’t surprised by the storm.  I’ve read, studied, or preached from this passage many, many times.  I’ve never had this realization.  Jesus didn’t wake up and say “oh, there’s a storm.  How about that.”  No, Jesus awoke and spoke to the disciples.  He didn’t ask about the storm. He didn’t ask about the boat.  He simply stood up and said “Peace, be still.”  Then He asked these questions:  why are you afraid, and where is your faith.  

We can have faith in the Lord during our struggles.  No one ever said it would be easy.  Having faith is not having storms.  Faith is trusting in God in the storms.  Don’t let your storms distract you from the simple fact that God is God, and He is able to provide for your needs.  Perhaps, you just need to talk to Him about those needs and find peace in spite of the storms.      

Deep Thinking. . .

At the end of 2019, I finished reading the Bible through for the 10^th or 11^th time.  I’ve forgotten exactly how many times, but that’s not important.  Every time I read through the Bible, I find myself in renewed awe of God’s Word.  Every time through, I find something new; well, it’s not new, because it’s in there, it’s new to me because it is revealed to me in a different way. 

This time, I learned something that has really made me think.  I mean deep thinking, like the statue of the thinker, deep.  The New Testament tell us that Jesus, while walking on earth, marvelled over two things.  Let’s look at them:

The first is found in Matthew 8:10 “When Jesus heard [it], he marvelled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.” Jesus marvelled at this faith.  This faith was the faith of the centurion that came to Jesus on behalf of his servant that was sick.  The centurion, a Roman, knew that Jesus was the only hope for his servant.  He besought Jesus to just say the word and the servant would be healed.  Jesus said to the centurion that He would go to the man’s house.  The centurion said no, I’m not worthy, just say the word and my servant will be healed.  Jesus marvelled at this man’s faith.  Jesus told the crowd that He had not seen such great faith in all of Israel. 

The second time is found in Mark 6:6 “And he marvelled because of their unbelief. And he went round about the villages, teaching.”  Jesus went to His own country and began to teach in the synagogue.  The people said isn’t this Jesus, Mary’s boy?  The scripture says they were astonished.  Jesus marvelled at their unbelief—their lack of faith. Because of their lack of faith, Jesus did not do many mighty works.  

This amazes me.  Jesus marvels over one thing—our faith.  The Lord Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, marvels over our faith.  He told the disciples that if they had faith the size of a grain of a mustard seed, they could move mountains. 

The Bible also tells us in Romans 12:3 “For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think [of himself] more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.”  God has given to us the measure of faith that we need. 

Let’s pull this together:  while walking on this earth, Jesus marvelled over a great faith and a lack of faith.  Jesus told the disciples that all we need is faith the size of a grain of a mustard seed and we could move mountains.  God has provided us the measure of faith.  Jesus is marveling over your faith; is it because it is great or because it is lacking?  Perhaps the Lord isn't working in your life because your lack of faith is hindering His working.    Is the Lord marvelling over your lack of faith?  

Looking Back

On New Year’s Day, I preached a sermon out of the Book of James.  Here was my text:

James 1:19-27

19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

21 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.

22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

23 For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:

24 For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.

25 But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

The text is a challenge to look at ourselves.  I would like each of us to look back at this last year, 2019, and see what manner of man (or woman) we were.  This passage gives the picture of the Bible as a mirror in which we can see our own reflection.  Notice the illustration goes on to say that we can look at ourselves in the mirror and then walk away forgetting what kind of person we are.  I asked the folks these questions about their lives in 2019.

1.            Are you the Christian You Ought to Be?

Have you lived the Christian life that you should have? I’m sure there were spiritual highlights and spiritual low lights in your year, there sure were in mine.  Look back with me for a few moments and think of the highlight reel of your 2019.  There may have been some true spiritual victories.  Sin that you overcame.  Discouragement that you set aside.  There may have been some true spiritual missteps as well.  I think of these as our blooper reels.  You know, when the receiver fumbles the pass or when the shortstop misses the easy catch.  Things that leave you smacking yourself upside the head.  The real question is what did you spend 2019 seeking?  Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Have you put the kingdom of God first? Or have you put yourself first?

2.            Are you the Friend You Ought to Be?

Humans have a need for social interaction.  Some of us like to be alone, but there comes a time we seek out friends.  Remember the Tom Hanks movie “Cast Away?”  He got to a point where he needed companionship, so he made a friend out of a volleyball.  We need friends.

Are we the kind of friend that we should be?

Proverbs 18:24 “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” Have we been a true friend?  Have we been willing to help those in need? Were we the kind of friend that we would want to have? 

3.            Are you the Spouse You Ought to Be?

How was your married life in 2019?  Were you the husband or wife you ought to have been in 2019? The Bible gives us clear direction on what kind of wife and husband we ought to be.

Ephesians 5:22-25 tells us:

22 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

Ladies, have you submitted like you ought to have? Jesus submitted to God.  If we are Christians, we ought to be Christ-like.  Luke 22:42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.  The Lord Jesus submitted to the Father. 

Brothers, have you loved like you ought to have? In that passage of scripture, men are told to love their wives three times.  It’s 3 times as important for men to love their wives as it is for wives to submit to their husband.  If we love our wife like Jesus loves the church, our wife will have no problem submitting to us.  How did Jesus love?  Jesus loved selflessly, sacrificially, and steadfastly

               

4.            Are you the Child You Ought to Be?

Young people, have you been the child you ought to be?  Have you listened, obeyed, and honored your parents?  Adults, have you been the child to your parents you ought to be?  You’ll always be a child, no matter how old you get.  We find directions on how to be the child we ought to be in the Bible.

Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)

Are you the man, woman, boy, or girl that you thought you were? Are you the spouse or friend you thought you were?  Do you need to make some improvements in your life? You can start today!  We’ve looked in the mirror that is the Word of God.  Are you going to make changes or walk away forgetting what manner of man you are?