Today, my oldest son
turned twelve. In some cultures, that would make him a man. The
thought of that makes me smile. When he was very little, I started
writing a booklet, pamphlet, whatever you might want to call it. Here's
an excerpt in honor of my little boy who is becoming a young man. Be
gentle, this writing was straight from my heart.
My Son, My Teacher
-1-
The day my wife and I found out that we were going to have a baby is a day that I will not ever forget. After 6 weeks of prayer, asking the Lord for His guidance and direction in starting our family, He answered our prayers in a most definite way. Laura was expecting. We were so excited. I remember thinking time and time again everything I would teach my child, what I never dreamed of was what the Lord would teach me through my child.
On October 7, 2001, Thomas Ethan Otto came into the world. It figures that my wife would disobey me about this matter. The only instruction I gave her about delivering our child was that she could not go into labor on a Sunday. Of course, she did. About 8:00 pm, I saw my son for the first time. My mother-in-law, Janine Hicks, had not stopped praying ever since I had first taken Laura to the hospital late that afternoon. The nurses could not believe how easy of time Laura had with her first delivery—Laura did not think it was too easy though!
I quickly realized that something wasn’t quite right though. The nurses weren't as relaxed as they should have been. There was tenseness in the room that I did not understand. As the lead nurse carried my son in her arms, she practically ran down the hall. I followed her worriedly, not knowing what to expect. She looked back at me and hesitantly said “Everything’s okay, Dad.” Somehow I didn't believe her.
The nurse ran past the waiting room, where our friends, family, and it seemed most of our church family were waiting for news. I found my voice had left me. I stood watching the nurses through the nursery windows as they hastily worked on my son. I turned to a dear sister from church, Mrs. Brenda Baker, and told her these words: “The nurses said he wasn't breathing right. . . he’s not breathing right.” She said perhaps the most comforting words that I have ever heard. Mrs. Baker said “The Lord is not going to give him to you and then take him right back. The Lord won’t do that. Not our God.”
Ethan was stabilized and we thought all was well. A day later, the pediatrician told us that they were going to have put Ethan in the neonatal intensive care unit that he had some kind of infection, but they weren't sure what it was. The next time I saw my son, he had wires, and tubes stuck all over his little body. I was broken hearted. I began making phone calls. The first was to my Pastor, requesting that he would bring the church to prayer for little Ethan. Brother Pierce assured me he would. The next calls were the hardest to make. I had to call the grandparents and tell them. My voice broke over the phone as I wept silently telling them that there was something wrong with their brand new grand baby.
I had to get alone. I walked to a
quiet corner of the hospital. There I poured my heart out to God,
railing against Him; I asked Him how He could do this, how could He take my only son, my firstborn. How, I asked over and over again. I begged God for my son’s life, but I did not seem to hear an answer. This is when God taught me the first of many lessons through my son. God showed the depth of a father’s love. As my tears subsided, I heard that still, small voice speak inside of my heart. God spoke and this is what He said: “Now you know how I felt. Now you know how much I love you.” God showed me the power of a father’s love. God broke my heart that day. Here I was, telling God how terrible it was that I might lose my son, when He knew the pain I was feeling. As I stood beside my son as he lay in the incubator, I could almost hear Jesus on the Cross as He cried out “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Mat 27:46 KJV)
God showed me exactly what He must have felt that day as He watched His only begotten son be given a mockery of a trial by God’s chosen people, as God watched His son be beaten and mocked by the Roman soldiers. As Jesus walked up that old hill, God must wept bittersweet tears; His plan was being brought to pass, but at such a cost. Salvation was being brought to man, but at the greatest price imaginable.
A few days later the doctor told us that we could take Ethan home. They could not understand it,
but somehow the infection had disappeared. The doctors said that there might have been some sort of false reading done on the original tests because day by day the traces and signs of the infection had disappeared—much too quickly for the medicine to take effect. I knew what had happened. I knew Who had dealt with the infection. My God had heard the prayers of the saints and answered them in a way that only He can. My son was healed, not by doctors or by medicine, but by the hand of the almighty God.
-2-
The days past by quickly after we took Ethan home, unfortunately, the nights did not go by quite so fast. I was not expecting it, but the Lord was about to teach me another lesson through my son.
Ethan was a sickly baby. He seemed to keep a cold most of the time. Everything we would try did not seem to work, he just kept getting sick. During this time, I worked third shift a local factory. Five nights a week I was at work, thinking of my family. The other two nights of the week, I was up with my son, letting my wife get some well-deserved rest. It was during these long nights that my Heavenly Father taught me another lesson. Like many Christians, I have often found it hard to find time to pray—or rather, I have found it hard to make time to pray. God showed me during this time that there is always time to pray when you have a need, but that you should not wait for a need to arise before you pray.
One particular night, Ethan had a hacking cough. He was just a little fellow, and every time he would cough, his entire body would shake and tremble. I learned how to pray very quickly. My heart breaking, I learned what God was trying to teach me through my son. I had waited too long to begin praying. If I had just been praying more for my son, if I had been praying diligently until God answered my prayers, God seemed to say that Ethan wouldn’t be wracked with cough and fever. I can remember holding Ethan close to me, rocking him to sleep. As we rocked together, the prayers flowed from the very depths of my soul. On this night, it seemed as if the very stars were bending low to listen to this poor saint of God pour out his heart. I can remember how hot Ethan was that night. I can also remember how as I continued to pray and beseech God, how that little body began to cool off. Another lesson was learned that night—pray, and pray diligently. Thank the Lord; I have been able to apply this lesson to all parts of my life. Surely, Paul was led of the Spirit when he wrote to the Thessalonians this simple statement “Pray without ceasing“(1 Th 5:17).
-3-
The days, weeks and months seemed to fly by. We were a very busy family, our lives full of church, ministry, work, and family. Things just seemed to be piling up on me. It was during this time that God used little Ethan to teach me yet another lesson. Ethan was not keeping his formula down. Every time Laura would feed him a bottle, it would come back up. We did not know what to do. As we grew increasingly concerned about Ethan not eating, it seemed as if the Lord was dealing with my heart about something. I could not figure it out, so I dismissed it.
Ethan kept getting weaker and weaker as the time passed. He just would not keep his formula down. Working with the pediatrician, we finally found the right formula—one Ethan would keep down. The change was marvelous to see. Ethan began growing. He but on some much needed weight. Before he was so very pale, but now he was getting color in his cheeks.
As I sat in my study thanking the Lord, the truth of what God was trying to show me struck home like a thunderbolt crashing home. Ethan was not growing because he was not eating. My Christian life had come to a stand still because I was not eating. As my life became more and more hectic, I laid aside my daily devotion and I had stagnated. My preaching had become stale. My witness had become dull.
My heart ached mightily. God put a verse in my heart. Second Timothy 2:15 says “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” I was not studying. I was not showing myself approved unto anything.
I began my personal devotions with a renewed passion. Do you know what happened? Everything began to turn around. That peace that passeth all understanding made its way back to my heart.
railing against Him; I asked Him how He could do this, how could He take my only son, my firstborn. How, I asked over and over again. I begged God for my son’s life, but I did not seem to hear an answer. This is when God taught me the first of many lessons through my son. God showed the depth of a father’s love. As my tears subsided, I heard that still, small voice speak inside of my heart. God spoke and this is what He said: “Now you know how I felt. Now you know how much I love you.” God showed me the power of a father’s love. God broke my heart that day. Here I was, telling God how terrible it was that I might lose my son, when He knew the pain I was feeling. As I stood beside my son as he lay in the incubator, I could almost hear Jesus on the Cross as He cried out “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Mat 27:46 KJV)
God showed me exactly what He must have felt that day as He watched His only begotten son be given a mockery of a trial by God’s chosen people, as God watched His son be beaten and mocked by the Roman soldiers. As Jesus walked up that old hill, God must wept bittersweet tears; His plan was being brought to pass, but at such a cost. Salvation was being brought to man, but at the greatest price imaginable.
A few days later the doctor told us that we could take Ethan home. They could not understand it,
but somehow the infection had disappeared. The doctors said that there might have been some sort of false reading done on the original tests because day by day the traces and signs of the infection had disappeared—much too quickly for the medicine to take effect. I knew what had happened. I knew Who had dealt with the infection. My God had heard the prayers of the saints and answered them in a way that only He can. My son was healed, not by doctors or by medicine, but by the hand of the almighty God.
-2-
The days past by quickly after we took Ethan home, unfortunately, the nights did not go by quite so fast. I was not expecting it, but the Lord was about to teach me another lesson through my son.
Ethan was a sickly baby. He seemed to keep a cold most of the time. Everything we would try did not seem to work, he just kept getting sick. During this time, I worked third shift a local factory. Five nights a week I was at work, thinking of my family. The other two nights of the week, I was up with my son, letting my wife get some well-deserved rest. It was during these long nights that my Heavenly Father taught me another lesson. Like many Christians, I have often found it hard to find time to pray—or rather, I have found it hard to make time to pray. God showed me during this time that there is always time to pray when you have a need, but that you should not wait for a need to arise before you pray.
One particular night, Ethan had a hacking cough. He was just a little fellow, and every time he would cough, his entire body would shake and tremble. I learned how to pray very quickly. My heart breaking, I learned what God was trying to teach me through my son. I had waited too long to begin praying. If I had just been praying more for my son, if I had been praying diligently until God answered my prayers, God seemed to say that Ethan wouldn’t be wracked with cough and fever. I can remember holding Ethan close to me, rocking him to sleep. As we rocked together, the prayers flowed from the very depths of my soul. On this night, it seemed as if the very stars were bending low to listen to this poor saint of God pour out his heart. I can remember how hot Ethan was that night. I can also remember how as I continued to pray and beseech God, how that little body began to cool off. Another lesson was learned that night—pray, and pray diligently. Thank the Lord; I have been able to apply this lesson to all parts of my life. Surely, Paul was led of the Spirit when he wrote to the Thessalonians this simple statement “Pray without ceasing“(1 Th 5:17).
-3-
The days, weeks and months seemed to fly by. We were a very busy family, our lives full of church, ministry, work, and family. Things just seemed to be piling up on me. It was during this time that God used little Ethan to teach me yet another lesson. Ethan was not keeping his formula down. Every time Laura would feed him a bottle, it would come back up. We did not know what to do. As we grew increasingly concerned about Ethan not eating, it seemed as if the Lord was dealing with my heart about something. I could not figure it out, so I dismissed it.
Ethan kept getting weaker and weaker as the time passed. He just would not keep his formula down. Working with the pediatrician, we finally found the right formula—one Ethan would keep down. The change was marvelous to see. Ethan began growing. He but on some much needed weight. Before he was so very pale, but now he was getting color in his cheeks.
As I sat in my study thanking the Lord, the truth of what God was trying to show me struck home like a thunderbolt crashing home. Ethan was not growing because he was not eating. My Christian life had come to a stand still because I was not eating. As my life became more and more hectic, I laid aside my daily devotion and I had stagnated. My preaching had become stale. My witness had become dull.
My heart ached mightily. God put a verse in my heart. Second Timothy 2:15 says “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” I was not studying. I was not showing myself approved unto anything.
I began my personal devotions with a renewed passion. Do you know what happened? Everything began to turn around. That peace that passeth all understanding made its way back to my heart.
My son has taught me and
continues to teach me so many things. How amazing is it that God has
taught me so much about my relationship with Him through my relationship with
my son?
