The Princess Bride

One of my absolute favorite movies is The Princess Bride.  It has everything-romance, intrigue, action, humor, absolutely everything that a great movie (and an awesome book, by the way,) could need or want.  Since my college days, I could do a rather good impression of the Impressive Clergyman’s wedding ceremony.  You’ve probably heard of it, but not realize where it came from.  

"Mawwiage.  Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today.  Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dwean within a dweam.  And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah...so tweasuwe youw wove...Have you the wing?"  

There’s a significant truth in this funny quote.  Right there, almost in the middle— “that blessed arrangement.”  Marriage is indeed, a blessed arrangement.  Marriage began in the Garden of Eden.  God created man and saw that he was alone.  After every single other act of creation, God looked at His handiwork and said, “it is good.”  Not so with Adam.  God saw that something, or rather, someone was missing.  So, God created Eve.  Adam and Eve were joined in holy matrimony, creating the arrangement below. 

Notice a couple of things about this arrangement, if you will.  God is at the top of the triangle.  The husband and wife are at opposite ends of the triangle.  This is a beautiful picture of marriage.  Due to the nature of a triangle, as the Husband and Wife move closer to God, they move closer to each other.  Hopefully, you also see that the Husband and Wife are on the same plane—they are on the same level, equals, if you will. 

As a preacher, I’ve had many opportunities to talk with people about their marriage.  As a pastor, those opportunities have come more frequently.  Each marriage in unique, and the problems that each couple have are unique, but I have noticed some similarities. 

First, communication.  Men can talk to their buddies, to their dogs, to their truck or to the grass, but it seems as if men have a problem talking with perhaps the most important person in their life—their wife.  I’d be the first to admit that I have made this statement more than once: “I’m not a mind reader.”  Do you know what?  Neither is my wife.  If our marriage is to stay in this blessed arrangement, we must learn to really communicate with each other. 

Just a simple reminder:  communication has three parts.  The first is delivering a message.  The second is receiving the message, and the third, understanding the message.  In most marriages that get unbalanced, I see that one party is talking and the other party is not receiving the message.  Many times, we listen to respond, not to understand.  TALK TO EACH OTHER.  You’d be surprised how many misunderstandings, arguments, and spats would be avoided if a husband and wife would simply talk and seek to understand what the other is saying to them. 

Second, and may I be blunt?  Sex.  Sex was given by God to married couples to enjoy together; in fact, in Hebrews, we read that marriage is honorable and the bed is not defiled.  Intimacy is not a weapon to be used or leverage to be applied in a marriage.  When we attempt to use intimacy in this way, we cheapen and devalue it.  When sex is misused in the marriage relationship, the blessed arrangement is distorted—no longer are the husband and wife on the same level.  Intimacy and communication go hand in hand.  After almost 20 years in the ministry, I have seen that when one goes awry the other is sure to follow.  If you cannot talk to each other, how can you ever hope to be intimate with each other?  Oh, and before we move on, true intimacy is more than just physical activities. 

Third, leadership.  When one side of the marriage tries to become a dictator, things go sideways very quickly.  I cringe when during counseling with a couple, I hear the words “You will do this or else.”  Ultimatums should never be thrown down.  They never end well.  Yes, the Bible says that the man is to be the leader of the home, and in fact, the Bible teaches that the man will stand before God and give account for the way he leads his home.  This does not mean that the man is to be a dictator.  If you study the Bible carefully, you will notice something very unusual about successful leaders in the Bible.  They were all servant-leaders.  They led with authority, but they led by serving those around them.

   

Guys, let me talk to you for a minute: we can all quote the verse in Ephesians: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands.”  Oh, we love that verse and we love to remind our wives of that verse, don’t we?   Take your Bible and look up that verse—Ephesians 5:22. Read it.  Underline it.  Highlight it.  Now, read verse 21.  “Submitting yourselves one to another.”  Yes, the wife should submit to her husband’s leadership.  However, the husband should submit to his wife as well.  In this chapter, husbands are told three times to love their wives.  This love is qualified— “as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it (verse 25).  Husbands, if you love your wife sacrificially (i.e. putting her needs before your own), you will submit to her and she will submit to your leadership.  I am adamant about this:  if I love my wife properly, she will have no reason not to submit to my leadership, and she will delight in doing so.  My wife treats me like a king, because she knows she is my queen. 

Communication, intimacy, leadership.  These three items work together in such a way to form a blessed arrangement.  What does your triangle look like?