Recently, I was asked a question that really shocked
me. I was asked “why do you have such a
great marriage?” It took me by surprise, because I don't consider my marriage as great, mostly because I know who my wife married. I answered quite truthfully, “I have a great wife.”
The question wouldn’t leave my mind. I began to think about why someone on the
outside of my marriage would judge my marriage as “a great marriage.”
I began to examine the qualities of my marriage and to trace
them back to their origins. When I was a
young man, just engaged to a beautiful young woman, an evangelist held a
family revival at our church. Knowing
that Laura and I were about to start our own family, I paid particular
attention.
So here it is. Here’s
THE secret to a great marriage.
Love your wife.
Earth shattering, I know.
Let me share with you the origins of this secret. In the Book of Ephesians, we find these
words: “Husbands, love your wives, even
as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).
This type of love is a sacrificial love. Notice that the love that Christ had for the
church was defined by giving. The love
that husbands should have for their wives is the same—a giving love. Too many times we as men are selfish and we
do not realize the position this puts our wives in.
This passage goes on to say that a man should love his wife
as he loves his own body and that he doesn’t hurt himself.
So, why do we see so many men—good men, having trouble in their
marriage? It’s a lack of love, or should
I say a lack of sacrificial love.
As I was pondering these thoughts, I began to think of ways that
I have shown my love through giving to my wife.
Every once in a while, Laura will plan a “girls night out,”
with her friends. Do I want to mind the
kids after working all week? Nope, I’d
much rather Laura stay home and deal with the screaming heathens. But I know she needs this time away to be
Laura—not Honey, Mommy, Daughter, or Sister, but Laura.
Doing the dishes. I
never load the dish washer correctly (just ask Laura, she'll tell you), but my dear wife appreciates every time
that I load the dishwasher with dirty dishes.
That frees up her time to do something else, like maybe read a
book.
Clean the bathroom.
I really hate to clean the bathrooms. (This goes back to my first job in high
school; I’ll spare you the details.) But
I’ve learned that Laura hates it even more than I do, so I do it for her. Not every time, but fairly often.
What it boils down to is this: if you want a marriage that someone on the
outside of your home says “hey, you have a great marriage,” put her first. Love her enough to put her first. Consider her feelings. Consider the effects your decisions have on
her before you make them. Don’t act
first and think later-if you ever get around to thinking, that is.
Guys, you want your marriage to work? Want peace in your home? Want a happy wife?
Then love your wife. Love her the way that Christ loved the church; sacrifice for your wife and see
how great your marriage can be.
Let me add this thought from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "What you do speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you are saying." Saying I love you isn't enough, you need to show it as well.
