Change? We don't need no stinkin' Changes

Albert Einstein is remembered for many things.  His work in theoretical science led to many wonderful breakthroughs in the applied sciences.  Albert Einstein is also remembered for his common sense approach to life and that approach resulted in many memorable quotes.

One in particular, is applicable today.  Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”    

How many times do we find ourselves doing the same thing over and over again and wondering why nothing seems to be working the way we expect and want it to?

We take comfort in our rituals, patterns, and habits.  We get used to doing the same things the same way.  Think about this:  what did you have for supper last night?  What did you have for supper a week ago?  I imagine, if your home is like my home, you can pretty much tell what day it is by what’s for supper.  

Let’s talk about change.   No one likes to change, but if what you are doing isn’t working, something has got to change.  If the results you are getting aren’t the results you want then something has to change.  The word change scares some people.  Whether or not they want to admit it, change is scary so they resist change.  Their reasons (or excuses, as the case may be), sound good.  “We don’t want to rush in to things,” or “making sudden changes can cause problems,” in reality this is a passive aggressive way to resist change because the idea of changing scares people. 

Change can be scary.  Change for the sake of change is not necessarily a good thing.  Change for the sake of improvement is a good thing.  When I talk to people about making changes, I usually hear something along the lines of “well, this is the way I’ve always done it and it’s worked so far.”  But is it really working?  A former manager of mine said this “do not mistake effort for results.”   Just because we are doing something that may have worked in the past does not guarantee continued results.   

What are you doing in your life?  Are you getting the results you want?  Maybe you are looking for a particular improvement in your life—your marriage, your job, your lifestyle, whatever it may be, but you aren't seeing the results you want.  Perhaps you should consider making a change in your approach.  

I’m reminded of a person I was talking to one day.  I was standing on their front porch talking to them and they made the statement that they wanted to stop smoking cigarettes, in fact, they said, that they had been trying for a month to stop smoking.  As they said this, they pulled a cigarette out and began to smoke.  I made this statement “Talking about change is not change.  Making changes is change.” 

Perhaps we should stop talking about making changes and make real changes in our lives.  

What's all this talk about a dress?

I have been seeing all these posts talking about a dress and what color it is.  Some of these posts have been very critical of the dress.  Some of them have been very opinionated about this dress.    I am starting to be concerned about the amount of attention that is being shown to this dress.  Let me ask you this question:  have you considered the dress’s feelings? 

How dare we label this dress as a color?  Does it really matter what color it is?  If it is blue or brown or purple or whatever…does it really matter?  Why do we have to define the dress as a color?  Who are we to objectify this dress as merely a color?  Why is it that the first thing we see about this dress is is its color?  No one comments on the material that makes up the dress or upon the touch of the Designer’s hands on this dress.  It’s all about the color.  For shame!

Furthermore, has anyone asked this “dress” if it self-identifies as a dress?  Perhaps the “dress” self-identifies as a pants suit, or a leisure suit, or a tuxedo, or perhaps a pair of blue jeans—I am so sorry, jeans.  Why do we feel like it is okay to typify this “dress” as a dress because it just happens to look like a dress?  We should feel terrible about the mental and emotional pain we have subjected this “dress” to because it just happens to look like a dress.

Isn't it time to stop the bullying?  This poor “dress” does not deserve to be the talk of social media, the nightly news, or anyone for that matter.  Can’t we just let the “dress” be?  Can’t we all just get along and leave our opinions to ourselves?  Oh, we are entitled to an opinion, but wouldn’t it be best for the “dress” if we just left those opinions to ourselves?  Hmm?  I think so. 

I have a solution.  If we must know what color the dress is, and even if it was meant to be a dress, we should ask the Designer.  The Designer of the dress will give us the final answer.  Surely the Designer would be willing to step up and answer the question.  Maybe we should just ask the Designer all the important questions we have.  Wouldn’t that be much simpler than having all these arguments about a dress?  

Yes, that was intended to be sarcastic and satirical.  But the question stands.  If you have basic questions about yourself, why don't you have a good long talk with our Designer and Creator?  He will give you the answers you are looking for.  But Tom, you say, I don't believe that we were created by God.  Just as that dress had a designer and a seamstress, you and I have a Creator.  And He is waiting to talk with you and me.  Can I encourage you to start a meaningful conversation with Him today?   He will listen and provide the answers you are searching for.  

Passing Down Traditions

How important are traditions?  My family has several traditions around Christmas time.  Over the years of our marriage, some of the traditions have changed somewhat.  We have a Nativity scene that takes a prominent place in our Christmas decorations.  For years, I would refuse to place the Wise Men in the Nativity scene.  Instead, I would find a shelf, bookcase, or table somewhere to the east of the Nativity scene and place the three Wise Men there.  Laura would beg me to put the Wise Men in the Nativity scene.  After about 7 or 8 years, I finally gave in and allowed the tradition to change. 

There are some traditions that will never change.  I can almost envision my grandchildren gathering around Laura, just as our boys have done on Christmas Eve since Ethan was a baby, to hear her read "Twas the Night Before Christmas."  The way that my dear wife reads that story every year is spell binding.  She may enjoy it more than the boys do.  After that story, I read the Christmas Story from Luke 2.  After we finish reading about the birth of Christ, we have family prayer.  

Christmas day will start another round of traditions.  We'll get up early (though not as early as we used to, at some point, the boys started sleeping later), and open presents.  I'll sip on a cup of coffee, and watch my family open their presents.  Laura will finally insist that it's "Daddy's turn to open one," even though, I'd just as soon sit and watch all of them open their presents first.  We'll finish opening presents and then my OCD will kick in and I'll clean up all the paper, ribbons, boxes, and bows.  

At some point, before we go to have Christmas dinner with the rest of the family, I'll find myself sitting alone thinking about my mother and how she loved Christmas.  I've got the glass figurine that my sisters and I affectionately call "Mama's Christmas Lady" sitting on my shelf.  I'll find myself staring at, wishing I could tell my Mom "Merry Christmas" one more time.  

Traditions are important because they are what make us families.  These rituals are the ties that bind us together.  Whether your tradition involves singing Christmas carols, watching those classic movies, or just spending time quietly together, don't take them for granted.  One day, those traditions will mean the world to you.  

I can still remember opening presents on Christmas morning, and seeing my Mom sitting in the corner just watching her children.  Traditions are handed down generation after generation.  What are you handing down to your children?  Will my boys grow into men that will be sitting in the corner watching their families open presents?  I can only hope so.  Thanks Mom, for passing that tradition down to me, I have been blessed beyond measure.  

From my family to yours, Merry Christmas!  May your day be filled with joy, laughter, and traditions.  

Psst! It's a Secret!

Psst.  Can I tell you a secret?  It's two weeks from Christmas day and I'm a bit depressed.  During this time of year that we are supposed to be jolly and merry, I find myself depressed.  This is going to be a challenging year for my family.  This year will mark the first anniversary of my mother-in-law going to Heaven. This year also marks the first anniversary of my wife's grandmother's home going.  And yes, I'm finding myself struggling a bit with depression.  Oh, and need I add to this the fact that my sister-in-law and her family moved back to their mission field of Argentina early this fall?

I'm not a Scrooge or a Grinch, we've decorated the house, hung the stockings with care, and the front yard is all aglow with icicle lights and yard decorations.  Just the other day I wore a Santa hat to work.  From all outward appearances, it should be a Merry Christmas.

But the truth?  I find myself on the verge of tears every now and then.  I find myself sighing deeply. Instead of feeling merry, I feel melancholy.  Usually, buying presents for my loved ones brings me great joy, but this year, part of me feels like I am just going through the motions.

Do you know what I've realized over the last couple of days?  It's okay.  Believe it or not, it's okay to feel  depressed.  Why?  Because it's an honest emotion.  A couple of weeks ago, I posted a mini Facebook rant about pride and how God hates pride.

That post has stuck in my mind and I've come to the conclusion just a few moments ago why it is sticking in my mind.  I was being too proud to admit to myself that I was going through a bout of depression.

Do you know that the Bible teaches us about how to handle depression?  Oh, it's wonderful.  Let me set the context for you.  David and his men are hiding in plain sight among the Philistines.  The Philistines decide to go to war against Israel and don't want David to have any part of that battle so they send him and his men home to Ziklag.

When David and his men get home, they find that their city of Ziklag has been attacked and set fire, but even worse their families have been kidnapped.  David's men get terribly upset and they blame David--in fact, they're about to stone him when we read the verse of 1 Samuel 30:6 "And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God."

Did you catch it?  Reread that verse.  When David was distressed, which the dictionary defines as experiencing extreme sorrow and discomfort, notice what he did. . . He encouraged himself in the Lord!  The very next verses tell us that David called for the priest and they prayed!  

So, we'll have a Merry Christmas.  The boys will be excited about their presents.  My lovely wife will hopefully enjoy the gifts I am getting her.  (Yes dear, I have started your Christmas shopping.)  I may be a bit depressed, my smile may be a bit wistful.  But I'll spend some time praying and encouraging myself in the Lord, and it will be okay. 

If you find yourself depressed this time of the year, give yourself a Christmas present and realize, it's okay to be depressed.  It's okay.  Admit you're struggling and seek the Lord's help.  

Oh, and by the way, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.  

The Poison that Keeps on Killing

Poison!  We shudder to even think about it. Hopefully you've never experienced the dread of having to call the Poison Control Center to ask about something your child ingested.  Hopefully, you've never lost a pet to antifreeze.  Perhaps you have had to put out some mice poison to help control some unwelcome visitors during the winter.  Poison is not something we like to talk about.

There is one form of poison that is worse for the person giving it than the intended victim.  The Bible speaks quite a bit about this particular poison for this very reason.  What is this poison?  It is strychnine?  It is cyanide?  Nope, far worse and much more deadly.  It is bitterness.  Bitterness can ruin a person.  Bitterness can ruin a person's future.  The most amazing thing about bitterness?  It's completely avoidable.

We don't have to be bitter.  Notice what the Bible says about bitterness in Ephesians 4:31 "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:"  Put away the bitterness!  If the Lord gives us clear direction to do something, that clearly means He will enable us to do that thing.  We can put away bitterness of spirit.  The question is why should we?

The answers to this question can also be found in the Word of God.  Bitterness causes defilement.  Notice this verse with me:   Hebrews 12:15 "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;"  Imagine with me a concrete sidewalk.  Imagine with me a tree growing up beside that sidewalk.  Do you know what will happen after time?  The roots of that tree will grow up under the sidewalk.  Eventually, the roots will cause the sidewalk to crack and crumble, and what was once a useful walkway has become defiled.  Bitterness will do the same to you and me.  We can start our lives in a condition that makes us useful, but if we allow bitterness to settle in, it will grow from a small seed of anger into a root of bitterness that defiles our whole life.

Let's look at another passage of scripture:  Romans 3:12-18 "They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips: Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness: Their feet are swift to shed blood: Destruction and misery are in their ways: And the way of peace have they not known: There is no fear of God before their eyes."   
This passage is to me very sad.  This is what bitterness will do to a person--bitterness will make you do things and say things that normally you wouldn't do.  Bitterness will cause you to lose your fear of God.  Reread that passage and notice all the negative characteristics of this person:  unprofitable, none that doeth good, deceit, poison of asps, cursing and bitterness, shed blood, destruction and misery, no peace, no fear.  And we wonder why people who are eaten up with bitterness are so unhappy.  

I am glad to report this afternoon that bitterness can be averted.  There is a cure!  Let's look at one last passage of scripture:  Exodus 15:22-25 "So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water.  And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.  And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?  And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them,"  

The people of Israel were terribly upset.  They had traveled three days and all of sudden they had no water!  The only water they had was bitter water--they couldn't drink it!  What where they to do?  They could sit around and complain and mope and carry on about how unfair it was that they didn't have any water.  Notice what Moses did--he cried unto the Lord and the Lord showed him a tree.  Not just any tree, but a specific tree that when Moses threw it into the water, it was made sweet.

If you or someone you know, is being consumed by this root of bitterness, there is only one thing to be done.  Take them to this same tree--that old rugged Cross that Jesus Christ bled and died on for my sins and your sins--including the sin of bitterness.  Here's a simple three step method for rooting up the bitterness in your heart:  1)  Ask God's forgiveness for your bitterness, 2) Ask those you are bitter towards for their forgiveness.  3)  And as the recent Disney movie "Frozen" says, "LET IT GO!!!"  Forget whatever is in the past that is causing you to grow bitter, cause if you don't, that root will begin to grow again and it will be much harder to get rid of it the second time.

Play Ball!

Man, it has been a very long time since I posted something.  It might be because of everything that we have had going on recently.  Between filling the pulpit for my Pastor, a hectic first quarter at work, and family stuff, my middle son decided he wanted to play baseball.

We signed up for Little League with much anticipation.  Alex was very excited about the prospect.  Soon enough we were in practice twice a week.  We learned the basics...how to throw to a cut off man; how to lead off a base, how to stand at the plate, how to handle the ball with a runner at first and second.  It was a good experience for us all.

I was tagged as assistant coach.  Primarily, I think, because I showed up to the first two practices.  We've got a great coach, Coach Josh.  He really loves the game and wants the boys to learn the game and to learn to love the game the way he does.  Currently, we're in second place in our league.

I've learned a lot about the strategy of baseball.  I have learned when to send a runner to second and when to fake the pitcher out.  I've learned that a walk really is as good as a base hit.  And I've learned that sometimes, just sometimes, getting to first base is it's own reward.  I've learned nothing tastes better than a ball park hot dog after a win (with mustard, of course.)

I've also learned a lot of life lessons.

For example, I've learned that the more you fuss and yell at your kid during the game, the worse they will do.  Attitude is so much more important than talent.  Attitude will win a game when talent can't keep up--or has given up.  I've seen parents get so far inside their kid's head that they can't think straight.

We've got a player that is totally awesome in practice.  Hits everything that comes close to the strike zone; fields like a demon, and throws out runners left and right.  Come game time, he can't tie his shoes without tripping.  Why?  His parents are there and they offer "constructive criticism" from the stands.  Doesn't help, not even a little bit.

I've learned that kids see everything.  Tonight, we had an interesting experience.  A parent from the other team was a wee bit upset with their coaches and begin to express their discontent.  This parent used language that made me blush, and I was on the other side of the ball field.  Eventually, the police arrived and helped the parent find their way from the park.  I had 12 boys asking me what happened and what was going on across the field and why they had to stop playing for thirty minutes.  To them, it is a game.  It's about playing and having fun.  I told my boys not to worry about it.  But you know who I couldn't stop thinking about?  The little boy sitting on the bench listening to his parent rant and rave and use language that would give a sailor pause.  How do you explain that to your kid?

I've learned that losing well is more important than winning well.  (For reference, see three paragraphs above).  You want to see a coach get ill with his players?  Watch Coach Josh's face if the players drag off of the field or limp onto the field. We've lost two games this season.  We didn't get beat by the other team, we beat ourselves...because we were losing poorly.  Everybody is going to get behind from time to time.  The important thing is to keep your head in the game and figure out what needs to happen to get runners around the bases.

Baseball is truly a microcosm of life.  You have your supporters, your opponents, your obstacles, and your chance to try.  It's taken me about six games to realize that at home plate all batters are equal--three strikes, and you are out.  Sometimes, in life and in baseball, you've just got to take a chance and swing.  Who knows, maybe you'll just get that base hit that your team desperately needs to get back in the game.

Advice on a Weight Loss Journey

A friend of mine recently asked me for any advice I may have about weight loss. After some thought, I gave him these six things and thought it might be worth sharing. I hope it helps you, if you need it.

Remember all the lectures about peer pressure, temptation, and addiction? Well, unfortunately, they apply to weight loss as well. The culture we live in has gotten to the point where everyone thinks it's okay to be overweight because it is so prevalent.

Your body gets addicted to having certain kinds of foods and the more you eat of them, the more you crave them. Sugar is just one example. Well meaning people will unknowingly becomes drug pushers and try to get you to eat a slice of pie or piece of cake or another slice of pizza. They just think they are being hospitable, but what they are really doing is feeding your body's addiction.

When I look back at my weight loss journey (and I do consider myself a recovering food addict, by the way) there are about five or six things that made this time successful.

1. Find your motivation. I've tried to diet many times with no real success. I found my motivation in my children. I had come to a place where if something hadn't changed, a heart attack or stroke was in my future and I didn't want my children to go through that or my wife to have to change my diapers and feed me like a baby.

2. Find your support. Laura and I decided to take this journey together. Your spouse's support is critical. Not only will the meals that are cooked have to change, but the food that is brought into the house will have to change. Simply, if it isn't there, you can't eat it. At times, your wife will be the only person in your corner cheering you on. There's a reason Rocky always looked for Adrian, know what I mean? Women understand some things better than men do.

3. Find your plan. Find a diet plan that works for you. For me it was Weight Watchers, for others it's counting calories. Have an organized diet plan and stick to it. Whatever plan you use, keep a food journal. Just write down everything that goes into your mouth. That will help make it real. Be prepared to defend your diet plan; people will look at you and say "Is that all you're eating?" At one point, I had people asking me if I was anorexic.

4. Find your exercise. Unfortunately, dieting alone is not enough. You need to exercise religiously. I have learned that I love running and weight lifting. Whether it is a daily walk, a gym membership, or some other form of exercise, move your body.

5. Find your goal. Set small goals. My first goal was 10 pounds. Once I lost the first ten, I set another goal for 20 pounds. I weigh myself every Wednesday morning and record my weight on a spreadsheet. Now, my goal is to stay between 173-176 lbs. I see 177 I get nervous and begin reviewing how I have been eating and what needs to change. At some point, someone will tell you that you've lost too much weight and that you look sick. Don't listen to them. I've discovered the only people who say things like that are those who could stand to loose a few pounds themselves.

6. Find a way to forgive yourself. You will backslide, you will see the scales move backwards from time to time. I tell people I lost 110 pounds, but in all honestly, I lost 120 because I gained 10 back and had to take them off again during the process.

Weight loss is a journey that at times may be slow, may be difficult, and may seem impossible. Trust me when I say it is a journey worth taking.