The Ups and Downs of Foster Care

 

I often talk about the blessings and joys of being a foster parent, and there are many!  But to be honest, there are many trials and burdens as well.  Let me share a few of them with you.

First, what I call the burden of knowledge.  We know things about these kids that we are not allowed or willing to share with others.  We know some of the trauma they have experienced, we know some of the challenges they may face in the future.  That creates a whole universe of emotions.  Fear for the child’s future, anger because of their past.  Doubts in my ability to parent this child through and with their trauma. 

Sometimes, people will ask “what happened” or “what did the parents do” or “were they abused”  without realizing we cannot answer those questions, if we even know.  That brings me to the second burden, which I call the burden of the unknown.  We don’t know what all has happened to this child.  We don’t know what all the parents have done.  We don’t know the extent of the abuse.  We don’t know what the plan is on day one.  We don’t know how long we will have them.  We don’t know a lot. 

A third trial for me is the lack of information.  We don’t get a timeframe.  We don’t know what we may need for these children.  We don’t always know what their preferred bottle or sippy cup is.  We don’t know what triggers they may have.  There’s a lot that we just don’t know about a new placement.  But here’s what we do know.  These little ones need a safe home.  These little ones need a support system.  These little ones need love.   These little ones need stability.  The things we don’t know aren’t as important as what we do know. 

We welcomed two new little ones into our home yesterday evening.  Yes, we already had two littles, so now we have four.  If you see me walking around in a daze mumbling to myself, don’t worry, I’ll be okay.  There’ll be a period of adjustment and adaptation for everyone in our home.  But it will work out eventually.  We’ll fall in love with them and then the clutter and the mountain of diapers won’t matter as much.  We’ll watch them grow and thrive and rejoice when they hit milestones, knowing that someday they will leave our home.  But, as my wife likes to say, “In our homes for a little while, in our hearts forever.”