The First Five Years

Five years.  Twenty-something foster children. Many parents, grandparents, a few aunts and even fewer uncles.  Eight social workers (maybe more, maybe less), three supervisors, three CASA volunteers, two GALs, four judges, three police officers, one Kentucky State Trooper, and an R&C worker.  Fifteen hours of initial training, ten hours continuing training every year thereafter.  Four organizations that support foster parents. 

A seventeen-year-old who was about to age out of the system with no plan for his future, nor with a care in the world.  A fifteen-year-old that broke my heart, not once, but twice.  A six-week-old baby who wouldn’t stop trembling.  A six-day old baby that was so little, he fit in the palm of my hand.  Two seven-year-olds that wouldn’t stop eating that first week.  A three-year-old who looked me in the eyes, held my face with her little hands, and asked “are you my Daddy?”  An eight-year-old  (or was it a nine-year-old?) who said, “I feel safe here.”  A two-year-old who held my finger (and my heart) and said “Wuv you Popsch.”  A boy who said, “I like it here; I have a bed to sleep on.”  A teenager who didn’t speak English. 

Too many diapers.  Too many toddler tantrums.  Too many phone calls in the night.  Too many we’re full, we can’t take them.  Too many doctors’ appointments. Too many trips to the hospital. Too many sleepless nights remembering the little ones who went back home, and the little ones who went to the next placement.  Too many answers that don’t quite answer the question.  Too many explanations that don’t ease a child’s pain.

So many smiles.  So much joy.  So much love.  So many “Pops is home.”  So much playtime. So many tears when goodbye comes.  So much relief when we hear that reunification is going well. 

I could tell you more, much more, about being a foster parent.  About the jolt of energy when we get the call and a new placement is on the way.  About the struggle of visits.  About the parents we were able to partner with and help them on their path to reunification.  About the parents who just couldn’t get a grip on their struggles and the pain we felt for them.  About the stipend that doesn’t ever quite seem to cover the costs of diapers and clothes and shoes and on and on and on. 

What I want to tell you is this:  it’s worth it.  Every struggle, every fear, every heartache, every tear, every penny spent is worth it.  When you see a former foster child with their parents, happy and loved, it’s worth it.  When you see that child and they run up to you and hug you and cry out “Pops, it’s you!”  It’s worth it.  You see, my heartache doesn’t matter.  My sacrifices don’t count.  What counts is that a child is safe.  A child is loved.  A child is taken care of while mom and dad get the help that they need to become the parents they need to be.  That’s what matters, and it’s worth it. 

It’s easy to sit back and complain about a broken system (parts of it does seem to be broken).  It’s easy to sit back and talk about awful foster parents who are only in it for the money (I've never met one of those).  It’s easy to sit back and complain about social workers who are corrupt and evil (never met one of those either).  Talk is cheap.  Become part of the solution.  Become a foster parent.  Get involved.  Touch a child’s life and let that child become a part of yours.  You can get started here.

 

Be Considerate!

 

I was born in Iowa, but we moved to Kentucky when I was young, maybe around 4 or so.  Being raised in the South was interesting.  I was introduced to a whole different world of food like fried okra, fatback, and a host of other strange foods.  Funeral customs were different than what my Mom was used to, as well as weddings and other holiday celebrations.  Every summer I would visit my Dad in Iowa and of course my grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins.  My cousins always commented on my accent, the adults, on my manners. 

Being raised in the South comes with the expectation that you use your manners—yes ma’am, no ma’am, please, thank you and you’re welcome are always to be used.  Holding a door open for a lady or giving your seat to an elder is simply done without direction or complaint.

The Bible gives guidance on having good manners or being considerate of others.  To be considerate means to show kindly awareness or regard for another's feelings, or circumstances.  So many difficulties we face could be avoided if we used some simple consideration. 

For example, in Proverbs, we find this verse: “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (Prov. 15:1)” In conversation, we should mind our manners and give a soft answer to de-escalate situations.  Often, we want to respond in anger or in bitterness, but all that will do is make the other person angrier.   This verse is not only speaking of what we say, but how we say it.  The tone of our voice, our body language, and the amount of eye contact we make all communicates.  Experts tell us that eighty percent of communication is non-verbal!  Think of the last heated conversation you had.  Could have you answered differently in the beginning?  If so, would have the outcome been different.  Most likely, the answer is yes.  Perhaps we did not take the time or make the effort to consider how the other person was feeling.  A soft answer can be just the consideration needed.

We find other guidance in the Bible on being considerate.  In Ephesians 4:32, we see this instruction: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”  Simply, the Bible is telling us to be kind to each other.  I find many people are looking for someone to show them a little kindness.  Just a smile can change someone’s whole day.  Don’t you like it when someone smiles at you?  Perhaps you are out at a grocery store and you come upon another person in the aisle.  Isn’t it much better when they smile at you rather than scowl at you like you are in their way?  If you see your neighbor struggling with something in their yard, be kind, give them a hand!  That neighbor may just turn into a friend. 

But this guidance goes further than just be being kind; we are told to be tenderhearted.  Think the best of people, not the worst.  Expect them to do right and to do good, do not expect them to be out to get you.  But if they are contrary towards you, forgive them.  So many feuds are started because someone offends someone else and they respond in anger.  In our history, there are many famous feuds.  They seem to have this in common—after time passes, no one knows why they are feuding to begin with!  But why forgiveness?  Shouldn’t we avenge ourselves when we are done wrong?  No, the rest of the verse tells us that we need to forgive others because God has forgiven us.  Think of all the wrong we have done against God!  Yet, He forgives us! 

One last piece of direction we can find about being considerate comes from Titus 3:2 “To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.”  Don’t be a gossip!  Don’t partake in talking about others.  This only leads to trouble!  Have you ever known anyone to gossip about someone and it was something good?  No, it always seems to be unkind or mean spirited.  Jesus gave us this warning in Matthew 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.  Those gossip sessions will come back to haunt you!  You will be reminded of those idle words!   

Don’t be a brawler—don’t argue or fight with others.  What good can that accomplish?  Fighting never resolves issues, it only makes them worse.  Instead, be gentle!  Show meekness.  Meekness is not weakness.  Meekness can be summed by this thought:  power under control.  Keep yourself under control, and as the sweet little old lady who lived next door to me would say, “mind your manners!”

A little consideration can go a long way in all our relationships.  Whether it is with our coworkers, our neighbors, or our spouses, we should be considerate of them.  Everyone, after all, can have a bad day.  Everyone can and does go through difficult times.  Your consideration may be just what they need!  

The Ups and Downs of Foster Care

 

I often talk about the blessings and joys of being a foster parent, and there are many!  But to be honest, there are many trials and burdens as well.  Let me share a few of them with you.

First, what I call the burden of knowledge.  We know things about these kids that we are not allowed or willing to share with others.  We know some of the trauma they have experienced, we know some of the challenges they may face in the future.  That creates a whole universe of emotions.  Fear for the child’s future, anger because of their past.  Doubts in my ability to parent this child through and with their trauma. 

Sometimes, people will ask “what happened” or “what did the parents do” or “were they abused”  without realizing we cannot answer those questions, if we even know.  That brings me to the second burden, which I call the burden of the unknown.  We don’t know what all has happened to this child.  We don’t know what all the parents have done.  We don’t know the extent of the abuse.  We don’t know what the plan is on day one.  We don’t know how long we will have them.  We don’t know a lot. 

A third trial for me is the lack of information.  We don’t get a timeframe.  We don’t know what we may need for these children.  We don’t always know what their preferred bottle or sippy cup is.  We don’t know what triggers they may have.  There’s a lot that we just don’t know about a new placement.  But here’s what we do know.  These little ones need a safe home.  These little ones need a support system.  These little ones need love.   These little ones need stability.  The things we don’t know aren’t as important as what we do know. 

We welcomed two new little ones into our home yesterday evening.  Yes, we already had two littles, so now we have four.  If you see me walking around in a daze mumbling to myself, don’t worry, I’ll be okay.  There’ll be a period of adjustment and adaptation for everyone in our home.  But it will work out eventually.  We’ll fall in love with them and then the clutter and the mountain of diapers won’t matter as much.  We’ll watch them grow and thrive and rejoice when they hit milestones, knowing that someday they will leave our home.  But, as my wife likes to say, “In our homes for a little while, in our hearts forever.” 

 

Voting for Amendment 2 on the Kentucky Ballot?

 

Several people have approached me regarding this proposed amendment to the Kentucky Constitution.  Since I am the principal of a private Christian School, I assume they felt I was a reliable resource.  I recently attended the Tennessee Association of Christian Schools Teachers Conference.  At that conference I attended a session on School Choice.  Prior to this session, I was unsure as to how I would vote.  With the information I gathered at that session, I have since decided to vote yes on Amendment 2. 

Let me explain why it took me so long to come to a decision.  Simply, my concern this: where government money goes, government oversite follows.  One of the key things about the Christian school movement is that the government (whether local, state, or federal) cannot involve themselves with our curriculum choices.  I was concerned if tax dollars were funneled to a Christian school, that the long arm of government oversite would follow, and they would begin to add stipulations and requirements to those monies. 

Let us take moment and try to understand exactly what this amendment does.  Here is the language of the amendment, taken straight from the Secretary of State’s website:

“To give parents choices in educational opportunities for their children, are you in favor of enabling the General Assembly to provide financial support for the education costs of students in kindergarten through 12th grade who are outside the system of common (public) schools by amending the Constitution of Kentucky as stated below?

IT IS PROPOSED THAT A NEW SECTION BE ADDED TO THE CONSTITUTION OF KENTUCKY TO READ AS FOLLOWS:

The General Assembly may provide financial support for the education of students outside the system of common schools. The General Assembly may exercise this authority by law, Sections 59, 60, 171, 183, 184, 186, and 189​ of this Constitution notwithstanding.”

Currently, the state constitution stipulates that public monies may only be used for public schools.  This amendment would simply change the wording of the constitution to say that the legislature (the General Assembly) may use public monies to support the education of students not in the public school system. 

This amendment does not take any money away from public schools.  This amendment does not set up school choice in the commonwealth of Kentucky.  This amendment does not change anything that is currently being done. 

This bill simply gives the legislature the authority to begin investigating, to begin discussing, and at a future point in time craft legislation that brings school choice to the Commonwealth. At this point, the legislature cannot even discuss school choice officially.

Twenty-nine states of our Union currently have a form of school choice, whether it is a voucher program, an Educational Savings Accounts (ESA for short, think a Health Savings Account, but for educational expenses) or a tax credit system, these states are making school choice work for them.

I am planning on voting yes on amendment two.  I hope it passes, simply because our children and grandchildren deserve the best opportunities that we can provide them.  We need to allow our legislature the authority to investigate school choice for the commonwealth. 

With my yes vote, I am obligating myself to hold the legislature’s feet to the fire so that they craft the absolute best school choice legislation that does the following:  1) Allows parents to chose the method of education that works best for their children, 2) Maintains the integrity of whichever method of school choice is implemented (making sure the money is used for education),  3) Protects the religious liberty of private, religious schools, and 4) Maintains a proper level of funding for our public school systems. 

I want our Kentucky schools, whether private or public, whether charter or magnet, whether religious or secular to be the best they can be for our children’s sake.  Don’t our children deserve the best opportunities that we can afford them?   

Let me introduce you to George. . .

 As you may know, several years ago, my family jumped into the world of foster care.  For these last years, it’s been babies, babies, toddlers, a nine-year-old, a four-year-old and a couple of seven-year-olds.  Yes, the babies were tough at night, and the goodbyes were heartbreaking, but the joy of watching these tiny strangers grow physically and grow into our hearts made all the trials and tribulations well worth it. 

About a month ago, we entered a new phase of foster care.  We have had some teenagers spend a night or two on our couch until they could be placed in a foster home.  I would like to share a little bit of their stories with you. 

Let me introduce you to a young man named George.  A teenager, not from around here.  English was not his first language. George and a family member were driving through when  a routine traffic stop resulted in an unfortunate discovery.  The family member had some legal issues in another jurisdiction.  George was in a predicament.  The officers called DCBS and at 1:00 in the morning, our phone rang.  Our worker asked us, can you let George sleep on your couch tonight?  His parents cannot come and get him, and we don’t have any other place for him.  We said yes.  If we had said no, he would have either stayed at the DCBS office all night, or worse, the police station.  George got to our house about 2:00 AM.  Scared.  Alone.  English not being his first language, he struggled a bit to communicate.  The first question he asked me?  “Where am I?” His second?  "What’s the address of the police."  George stayed with us about 10 hours.  We made him breakfast, nothing fancy, scrambled eggs and toast.  He was grateful.  The worker picked him up and took George home.

A little after this, we got a call about a 17-year-old boy named, yep, George.  George had been in and out of foster care most of his life.  He needed a place to stay until his worker could find him a new placement.  Once again, our couch was put in play.   George came to our home with all his worldly possessions in two large garbage bags.  Yes, two large garbage bags.  We talked with George.  He wasn’t sure what was going to happen to him.  He turned 18 in a couple of months and would age out of the system.  He had no family.  He had no support.  I was broken-hearted at the thought of what might happen to George when he left our home if he didn’t have a place to go, a family that would take him in even after he aged out. 

This last Saturday, my wife called me while I was working at the church.  Our worker called.  There was a young man who needed a place to stay over the weekend, so he didn’t have to sleep in the office.  His name, too, was George.  George had been in and out of the system most of his young life.  He is 15 years old.  He bounced from private homes to group homes.  He wound up on our couch because no one wanted him.  I talked quite a bit with George over the weekend, but he really talked to my wife.  He told her that all he wanted was a foster family in Simpson County to take him in, to go to school, and to be able to see his sister.  George slept on our couch for a couple of nights.  He became a part of our family.  As I told him goodbye, I teared up.  All day, I wondered what would happen to George when he left our home.  Later, I told Laura that if we had a bed, we would have kept George.  She readily agreed.   

Obviously, their names weren’t George.  These three boys are completely different people with unique stories.  Here’s the problem, in Kentucky, there are hundreds, if not thousands of Georges.  Teenagers that no one wants.  Teenagers that have problems.  Teenagers that have been through drama and through trauma.  Teenagers that are about to age out of the system with no clue what’s going to happen next.  Teenagers that just want a place to call home with a family that wants them.   Could you help George?  Kentucky needs foster families willing to take in teenagers.  Would you open your home, and more importantly, your heart, to help George?  If you’re interested, let me know.  We’ll talk about how you can help George. 

My 5 Month Saga

 

I saw my family doctor back at the end of April.  Just a routine visit for a medication refill.  During our conversation, my doctor mentioned that the new recommendation for a colon cancer screening is 45.  My doctor looked at me and said, “You’re 46, it’s probably time for a screening.” 

We talked about the options, a colonoscopy or a Cologuard test.  As a typical man, I chose the easy way out and decided on the Cologuard.  A week or so later, I received a box in the mail which contained my test kit.  I follow the directions, seal the container, put it in the box, and ship it via UPS.  I had a good chuckle thinking about the UPS driver picking up that package. 

I didn’t think anything more about it.  A week or so later, I missed a phone call.  It was my doctor’s office.  The voicemail said he wanted to schedule an appointment to talk about my test results.  Spoiler alert:  doctors never schedule an appointment for good news.  Never. 

My test results were positive for colon cancer.   Now, the Cologuard website is very clear:  that doesn’t mean there is cancer.  There is something like a 13% chance of a false positive.  Given my history with cancer, I began to research.  I discovered that one of the leading causes of colorectal cancer is exposure to heavy metals.  Hmm.  In my two previous battles with cancer, I took cisplatin, a chemotherapy drug made from platinum.  I also learned that one of the most prevalent secondary cancers in testicular cancer survivors is colorectal cancer.  About this same time, my first cousin had begun treatment for colorectal cancer.   Alarm bells were going off in my head. 

I saw my family doctor.  The next step was a colonoscopy.  He referred me to a gastrointestinal doctor.  This was in May.  I finally got an appointment for the end of September.  My wife and I were very disappointed about this delay.  About this time, I began to experience some symptoms that were very suggestive of colon cancer.  I won’t go into details, no one needs to read about those symptoms.  I began to be very nervous.  My wife started a one woman crusade to get my appointment moved up.  It went from September 29 to September 18, to July 28. 

My symptoms were getting the best of me.  I didn’t know what else to do.  My oncologist once told me if I started having any symptoms that concerned me and I couldn’t get anyone to listen to me, to call her office and make an appointment.   So, I did.  I saw her nurse practitioner, who listened to me.  She listened to my whole story.  She made a few phone calls and got me an appointment that same week with the GI. 

I saw the GI and got set up for a colonoscopy.  A week later, I did the prep (again, I’ll spare you the details) and went in for an endoscopy and a colonoscopy.  The doctor ran a scope through both ends to get a complete picture.  During the colonoscopy, she removed four polyps that after lab work were determined to be precancerous.  Later, I was told if I had waited much longer to get a colonoscopy, they would have been cancerous. 

During the endoscopy, my doctor found a nodule in a portion of my intestines called the duodenum.  She referred me to a specialist at the University of Louisville.  After several weeks, I saw the specialist and got set up for an endoscopic ultrasound of this nodule that they began to refer to as a duodenal mass.  (Not something a cancer survivor wants to hear, trust me.) 

Today, I had an endoscopic ultrasound.  (Special thanks to my sister Tammy for getting up at 3:00 this morning to have me in Louisville by 7 AM Eastern time.)  My doctor performed the test and said that in his opinion, it was normal.  He said that we should keep an eye on it to make sure it isn’t growing. 

I see my local GI early in November for a follow up.  I have a regular appointment with my oncologist the day after Christmas.  I have another colonoscopy scheduled at the end of January just to be on the safe side.    

I recently saw my family doctor again to get my medication refilled.  We chatted about my colonoscopy, and he made this statement: “You have the worst luck.”  I chose to think that I am exceptionally blessed.  Yes, I have had cancer twice, and had this colorectal cancer scare.  But each of those three times it was detected early enough that we were able to prevent it from spreading and developing into something much more serious.  I am blessed.  Blessed to have a great family doctor.  Blessed to have a great set of medical professionals that have my back.  Blessed to have a great support system in my family.  Blessed to be able to talk to the Lord about these things and to trust Him for the outcome. 

I never wanted cancer the first time.  I never wanted cancer the second time.  I certainly do not want cancer a third time.  But I know that if a third time ever comes my way, God’s got me just like He did the first two times.  I remember kneeling at the altar of Faith Baptist Church and praying after I got the positive Cologuard results.  I started my prayer by saying “Well, here we are again.” 

Why did I decide to share all of this?  To share these take aways with you:

• Be your own advocate.  Don’t let doctors tell you how you feel.  You know your body better than any medical professional.  I’m not being critical of doctors or nurses but be your own advocate. 
• Educate yourself.  Know your medical history and know the possible ramifications of it. 
• If you are a cancer survivor, don’t get a Cologuard, go straight for the colonoscopy.  My 5-month saga could have been much shorter if I had just gotten the colonoscopy right away instead of opting for the easy way out.

Come January, we’ll see what happens.  I’m just going to keep trusting the Lord.

A Good Steward

 

In Luke 12, we read a passage of scripture where the Lord asks a question: “And the Lord said, Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his lord shall make ruler over his household, to give them their portion of meat in due season?” (Luke 12:42)  I’ve been mulling over this idea of a steward. 

The dictionary defines steward in two ways, one, as a noun, and second, as a verb.  A steward is a person responsible for obtaining and organizing supplies (as for a voyage) and is responsible for passengers.  To steward (a verb) is to manage and oversee another’s property.  Jesus asks us who will be a faithful and wise steward.  As believers, we are called to be a steward. 

Typically, we narrow the focus of stewardship to finances.  It makes sense, as many times in the Scriptures, we read of stewards and they are connected to money—the unjust steward, for example.  And we need to be good stewards financially, however stewardship goes far beyond finances, but we will start there.  
  

In the early days of our marriage, my wife and I made some poor choices dealing with credit cards.  We are still struggling with those decisions all these years later.  We need to make good choices with our finances.  Recently, our middle son made an innocent statement to me.  He said “Dad, I think I’m going to apply for a credit card to build my credit.”  Instantly, I felt this urge to protect my son well up inside of me and I begin to sermonize the evils of credit card debt.  My wife walked into the room, saw the look on my son’s face, and asked what I was carrying on about.  I told her what our son had said, and she said oh no.  You may be able to use credit cards wisely, but most people cannot.  That’s why the average American has over $5,000 in credit card debt.  If we look at our money as being stewards of what God has given us, that should change our perspective.  It took me some time to come to this place of viewing my checkbook not as mine, but as the Lord’s.  Once I gave the Lord control over our finances, my life got less stressful.  I used to say, how am I going to pay this bill?  Now?  I ask the Lord how He is going to pay that bill, it is His money, I’m just overseeing it. 

Stewardship goes beyond finances.  How about your marriage?  This summer, Lord willing, my wife and I will celebrate our 23^rd wedding anniversary.  I’ve learned a thing or two about marriage, but I believe there is a lot left to learn.  I want to take good care of my marriage, which means taking good care of my wife.  How do we do this?  We work together to plan date nights for just the two of us—no kids!  There are times we really can’t afford to go out to dinner due to our finances, but we really can’t afford not to, for the health of our marriage.  How else do I steward my marriage?  I help with household chores—this morning, I cooked waffles for breakfast.  I do laundry.  I do dishes.  I do not dust, though.  I draw the line there.  I help with the kids.  When our biological sons were little, I would take time to play with them after work.  That was good for my boys, and good for my wife.  Now, I try to do the same with our foster children.  Another thing that I do to be a good steward of my marriage is push Laura to take time for herself.  Everyone needs time to be themselves—not Mom, or the school secretary, or wife, but just themselves.  Everyone needs time when no one has expectations for them.  Laura has a great circle of friends and I encourage Laura to take time to hang out with them, to leave her responsibilities and burdens behind for an afternoon or even overnight.  This allows her to be refreshed and recharged. 

Are we to be good stewards of our health?  You bet we are.  I hear many of my fellow pastors groaning right now.  In First Timothy 4:8, the Scripture says “For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.  Many Christians would say, see, bodily exercise has little profit, and grin like they cornered me with their logic.  Let’s take a step back—the Word says “profiteth little.”  It does not say has no profit, but indeed, has a little profit.  There is value in taking good care of our physical bodies.  Sure, they are only ours for a moment of eternity, but while we have them, we should be good stewards of them.  Exercise is wonderful for not only our physical health, but our mental health as well.  Nothing clears my mind like a good run.  There is nothing harder than being a Baptist trying to watch what he eats and going to a Baptist Church’s potluck meal.  At least, that’s what I thought until I became pastor.  I’m going to let you in on secret—every lady in the church watches to see if the pastor takes some of her dish.  If you don’t, offense abounds.  If you do, your waistline abounds.  That is difficult, but we must be good stewards of our health, so we must watch what we eat.  Man cannot live be bread alone, because, well, too many carbs is not good for you.  Eat a vegetable once in a while.

Stewardship also includes our property—our homes, our cars, and so on.  Do we take good care of those things that the Lord has provided us?  Keeping our lawn mowed and the bushes trimmed is part of being a good steward.  Keeping the trashed picked up out of the yard, being a good steward.  Keeping your home in good repair is being a good steward.  What about the church that you belong to?  Do you do your part as a good steward of the church?  Do you give financially?  Do you give time serve the Lord by being a good steward of the church—mow the lawn in the summer, clean the buildings between services, attend services?    Someone said to me, “Well, you’re the pastor, it’s your church.”  My response was no, it is our church we all need to take care of it.   

So, we’re back to were we started, with the Lord’s question.  Who will be the wise and faithful steward?  My prayer is that I will be a wise and faithful steward, but also that you will be a wise and faithful steward over the things that the Lord has blessed us with. 

 

Is that the phone?

 As a pastor, you get many types of phone calls.  Missionaries wanted to schedule a time to present their burden for their mission field.  Other preachers wanted advice or to commiserate.  Church members needing a listening ear.  People needing help.  People needing comfort.  Letting me know that their loved one is in the hospital or perhaps has passed away.  Many types of phone calls.

Last night, I got home from the Wednesday evening service and got a phone call that I was not expecting.  It started like this: “Pastor, it appears someone broke into the building.”  Excuse me?  What did you just say?    On the back side of our fellowship hall, we have a small room for visiting preachers to stay in while they are with us.  It is just big enough for a family to sleep in.  There’s a bathroom and a room with a washer and dryer.  Nothing fancy.  Someone broke into that room.

I immediately went back to the church.  The police were already there.  Thankfully there was not any damage to the building.  I looked through the room and realized there was very little missing.  There wasn’t anything of real value in that room to start with. 

Here’s what was taken:  A blanket, two pillows, soap, shampoo, detergent, fabric softener, towels, wash cloths, and a trashcan.  That’s it.  Things that someone who was perhaps homeless or in need would have wanted to take. 

I didn’t get angry.  I didn’t get upset.  I was heart-broken for this person.  Here’s the sad truth:  if that person had come in the church and sat and talked with me, explained their situation, and asked for help, I would have given them those things that they needed.  Not because of who I am, but because of Jesus.  That’s what He would have done. 

It was a restless night to be sure.  Early this morning, I got up, went to the store, and bought a new lock for that room.  I installed it and   I spent some time cleaning up the room.  I also spent some time praying.  Praying for this person.  I finally forgave them.  In my heart, I’m hoping that this person was helped by the towels, soap and other things that were taken.  I prayed for their soul.  Hopefully they know Jesus.  There were a handful of Gospel tracts missing as well.  If they don’t know Jesus, I hope they meet Him through that literature. 

I’m not going to focus on what was taken. Instead, I’m going to focus on what wasn’t taken.  Our peace.  Our peace is in Jesus, not in buildings.  No one can take that.  Our commitment to the ministry is still intact.  We may have been shaken, but we aren’t giving up.   Our desire to help the less fortunate hasn’t been taken.  Yes, this hurt.  Just like when someone apparently didn’t like the food in our food box, so they decided to decorate the playground with food. But we are still going to try to be a blessing to folks. 

We’ve learned some things through this, and I’m sure we’ll learn some more as the days go on.  My prayer isn’t that the person responsible is caught or punished, my prayer is that they would get the help they need.  Would you pray with us? 

I haven’t said much over the past 6 months or so about our fostering journey.  It’s been…interesting to say the least.  Laura and I had talked about becoming foster parents for years.  One thing or another would come up and we’d always say we would wait. 

About 8 or 9 months ago we began talking about it in earnest.  We did our research.  We did some soul searching.  We discussed it with our boys.  We prayed about it.  The Lord seemed to be opening the doors for us to foster.  We signed up for the introductory meeting.  For two hours we listened to a foster parent talk about her foster journey.  We signed up for the rest of the training. 

In all honesty, this was Laura’s dream.  I initially agreed because I knew it was something that she wanted to do.   But the more I learned about the foster system, the more I was burdened to be involved. 

One day, while I was reading my Bible, the Lord spoke to my heart.  I was reading in James, where the scripture tells us that true religion is visiting the widow and the orphan in their affliction.  I surrendered my heart to being a foster parent. 

Our first placement completely changed my family’s perspective.  A little girl and her baby brother were placed in our home.  They quickly became part of our family.  As long as I live, I will never forget the day that sweet darling girl placed her hands on my face, looked me in the eyes and said, “Are you Daddy?”  My heart melted.  One morning, I was playing with the little boy.  Just doing the typical Dad thing, holding him up in the air over my head and talking to him.  He grinned at me and I thought, he’s never had a Daddy play with him like this.  That is why I became a foster parent.  Because there are so many children in Kentucky that need what so many of us take for granted—the love of a parent. 

No, they aren’t my flesh and blood.  No, I’m not looking to adopt.  I’m looking to step up and step in to give these precious children what they need most at perhaps the darkest time in their young lives, a father’s love.   Someone who loves them no matter what—the temper tantrums, the night terrors, the arguing, no matter what. 

You’re probably thinking, I could never do that.  I could never open my home, much less my heart, to perfect strangers.  Where much is given, much is required.  My heavenly Father gave me love when I was unlovable.  He opened His heart and His Home for me.   As a Christian, I am supposed to show this world the love of Jesus.  How better than to heed His words and suffer the little children. 

We’ve got our next placement.  An adorable little boy.  We’ve been told that most likely, this will be short term placement.  It’s only been a few days, but I’m already dreading the call from the caseworker that says he’s going home.  I’ll be happy for him and overjoyed for his parents.  But it’s going to hurt.  I’m going to cry.  I’m going to have second thoughts.  But I’ll say yes again and again.   

Glass Houses

I have been thinking on something for quite some time now and it may just be time to share my thoughts about it.  This post may make some people angry with me; they may think I have become liberal.  They may decide to disavow me.  But here goes nothing.   I am tired of legalism.  I am tired of people judging other people by their own personal standards. 

No, I am not leaving the Independent Fundamental Baptist “movement.”  I am not becoming a liberal.  I am not becoming a modernist.  I have not moved in my beliefs.  If anything, the IFB “movement” has left me.

Here is the thing I have been pondering.  Why do we hold other people to our standards?  Who are we to look at other people and say they are not as spiritual, as separated,  or as holy as me, so they are not right with God? 

Let us talk about a standard that people judge by-dress.  That is an easy one.  If someone does not dress exactly the way I do, then they are a heathen.  I challenge you to go to the Bible and find a passage of scripture that gives a detailed explanation of the proper wardrobe of a Christian.  I’ll wait.  Have you found it yet?  Spoiler alert:  you will not.  The Biblical standard is not to wear this or not to wear that, the Biblical principal is to be modest, as found in I Timothy 2:9 - “modest apparel.”  The Bible teaches us to be modest.  What does modest mean?   According to the dictionary, it means moderate or reasonable, not extreme.  Our clothing should be reasonable, not flashy or revealing.  What’s reasonable to you may not be reasonable to others.  What’s reasonable to others may not be reasonable to you and that’s okay.  Over the years, there is one question I am asked about our church repeatedly.  “Do I have to wear a dress at your church?”  No.  Nope.  Not at all.  If you come to church wearing jeans and a tee shirt, I’ll welcome you.  If you come to church wearing shorts and halter top, I’ll welcome you.  If you come to church in a dress, I’ll welcome you.  If you come to church in your pajamas, I’ll envy you a bit, but I’ll welcome you.  Why?  It’s more important to me that you come to church than that you come to church wearing a particular item of clothing.  Your relationship with God is not defined by your clothes, but by what’s in your heart.   

People in glass houses should not throw stones.  A great old saying that we have not applied to ourselves as we ought to.  Let me tell you a story.  Years ago, I was talking to a fellow I worked with.  He’s a self-professed agnostic.  We were having an exceptionally good, very deep discussion on Christianity.  At the time, I weighed about 275 pounds.  He made this statement: “You are fat.  How is your sin any different than my sin?”  You know what, he was and is right.  Gluttony is a sin.  There may be circumstances beyond your control that causes obesity, but in my case, it was gluttony.  I realized that my testimony was tainted by my weight.  Shortly after that, several things happened that caused me to determine to lose weight, and I did, praise the Lord. 

In Isaiah 6, Isaiah saw the holiness of God and the first thing he did was look at himself.  Not others.  He said, “woe is me.”  He judged himself as undone and unclean.  We are experts at picking others apart while ignoring our own faults and failures.  It wasn’t until Isaiah got himself right that he began to worry about others.  He said first, woe is me, and then he said I live in a land of unclean people.    Point of interest:  Isaiah realized that he and the rest of Israel were all in the same boat:  unclean, in need of God’s grace.  He didn’t feel better than them because he was closer to the Lord.  

How about John the Beloved Disciple?  In his epistles, he writes to the “fathers, young men, and little children.”  Why?  Because he knew not all the believers had grown into the same levels of maturity.  He was showing them grace.  He was giving them grace to grow.  John was not critical of the “little children.”  He didn’t say that they should be as spiritual as him, the beloved disciple.

We get the idea that if someone has been saved 5 minutes they should be as spiritual as we are, or even worse, we get so focused on the outside that we don’t give the Holy Spirit leave to work on the inside.  We get out the white paint and paint those sepulchres (Matthew 23:27), because they have got to match our whited sepulchres. 

Jesus Himself told the Pharisees and scribes that brought the woman taken in the act of adultery, that the one without sin should cast the first stone.  One by one, they all dropped their stones and slinked away.  When the Light of the Lord shines on our sin, we realize we are not worthy to judge one another. 

Before we worry about anyone else, we need to make sure we are what we ought to be.  And let’s be honest, we’re all fixer uppers with a lot of work that needs to be done. 

 

 

Marriage Tune Up

For the last couple of years, I have had a burden to take the couples in our church on a marriage retreat.   Not that I think the married couples in our church are in trouble, quite the contrary.  The idea of a marriage retreat isn’t necessarily to fix the broken parts, but to keep the marriage from breaking, to shore up some basic areas to keep the marriage healthy. 

My doctor recently recommended I have an annual physical, just to make sure that everything was working like it should.  He made this statement: “sometimes, we focus on a particular diagnosis and can be blinded to what else may be going on.”  He was referring to my cancer diagnosis and how often times, doctors will focus on a known issue and not consider what else may be happening.  I have been thinking about this statement and how it can apply to many things, including marriage. 

You and your spouse may be going through a challenging area together and you are focusing on that one area to the detriment of the rest of your marriage.  Sometimes, it may be your children.  It may be finances.  It may be something else entirely.  Those issues will come and go, but your marriage will remain. 

Let me give you a couple of thoughts on some routine maintenance for your marriage.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married 5 months, 5 years, or 50 years, these things will help. 

Tell your spouse you love them.  Often.  Repeatedly.  Many people assume their spouse knows this.  Remind them.  Don’t let them forget.  But telling them that you love them also reminds you of that fact.  Yes, it’s important that you don’t forget you love your spouse!  I have had many couples in my office for counseling over the years that the conversation gets to this point:  “I just don’t love them anymore.” Or “I’ve fallen out of love.”  Love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action, it’s an attitude, it’s an aptitude.   

Tell your spouse why you love them.  What is it about them that you love?  Is it their strength?  Is it their compassion?  Is their ability to go above and beyond to help people?  Why do you love them?  This is so important.  Think for just a moment with me.  Why do you love your spouse?  If you can’t give me several reasons, maybe you need to spend some time reflecting on this.  My wife bought a piece of wall art years ago that says "I love you because" and then below it is a chalkboard.  Occasionally, she will write something about why she loves me.  I so enjoy seeing what she writes.    

Date your spouse.  Life is crazy.  Especially right now.  Work, kids, bills, who has time to date?  You better make time.  Dating your spouse is essential for your marriage.  Keep those connections alive!  Many think that once the wedding is over, so is the pursuit.  Oh no, continue to pursue your spouse, just like before you got engaged and married.  People need to know that they are wanted.  They need to know that you need them in your life. 

Be intimate with your spouse.  No, I’m not talking about physically.  Talk with your spouse about your fears, your dreams, your goals, your worries.  Sharing those deeply personal things is the basis for all other forms of intimacy.  True intimacy in marriage is being real with your spouse.  Try this:  pray with your spouse.  Take some time and just pray together. 

These are just a few ways to you can give your marriage a quick tune up.  Pick one and try it today.  Plan a date night.  Have a conversation with them.  Let them talk and you just listen.  Reconnect and reap the benefits. 

My Response to the Governor's Requirements for places of Worship to Reopen

I pastor a small, independent, Baptist church in south central Kentucky.  From the end of March through April, I attempted to meet the flocks’ spiritual needs through online services and a couple of drive in services.  I was never satisfied with my ability to lead our people in worship during this time.  I am not a “digital pastor.” 

I made the decision to not have in person services.  There was no convention, association, or district leadership making that decision for me.  I believe that at the end of March when I made that decision, it was the best decision for the congregation of our church.  At the end of March, we had at least 5 families that had a member that just been in the hospital for a procedure or were in their recovery period from a medical procedure or had underlying health problems that made them vulnerable. 

I, as the pastor, felt the leadership of the Lord to resume in person services.  On the first Sunday in May, we held in person services.  Our attendance was not as high as it was in early March as I expected.  I spent time researching common sense approaches to take to keep our congregation safe.  Contrary to popular opinion, I am not a loose cannon out to make a bold statement.  I sent a letter to each family in membership outlining these steps.  The first Sunday back provided me the opportunity to minister to the congregation both in person and for those that did not feel that they should attend, online.  It was also a learning opportunity.  I have made a few adjustments and feel confident that our congregation will be as safe this coming Sunday, as they would be at Wal-Mart or Sonic or in an office building. 

The governor of the Commonwealth has issued requirements that churches must follow to be allowed to reopen.  Sorry, Gov, but that cat’s out of the bag.  The courts have ruled that the executive order preventing in person services are unconstitutional.   I have been reviewing these requirements and have decided to formalize my response to them. 

I have taken these directly from the governor’s document entitled “Healthy at Work – Places of Worship – Final Version 1.0.”  (The requirements are in red).  I will only respond to those that apply directly to my specific Church.

Places of worship conducting in-person services should limit attendance to no more than 33% of the building occupancy capacity, including clergy and staff-employees, while maintaining social distance between household units of at least six (6) feet. This means that there must be six (6) feet between individuals on a row and individuals between rows, such that a six-foot radius is maintained around all household units. A place of worship that cannot maintain this space must further reduce its occupancy capacity until it is achieved.   I have already arranged our seating to make the 6 feet of distance easily maintainable.  I have no issue with doing this.

Places of worship should ensure, to the greatest extent practicable, that clergy, staff-employees,volunteers and congregants wear coverings (e.g., cloth mask or bandana) over their mouths and noses while attending services.  No.  I will not require anyone to wear a mask.  The letter I sent out said that anyone would be welcome to wear a mask if that felt that they should.  If, as according to the CDC, we maintain appropriate social distancing (as in above), masks are not necessary.  They are to be used in areas where social distancing is hard to maintain. 

Places of worship should wait to reopen youth services (including, but not limited to, Sunday schools) until childcare services have reopened on June 15, 2020. Once they reopen, youth services should follow the requirements posted for childcare services.  This does not make any sense to me.  If a young person is safe in the auditorium, following step #1, why aren’t they safe in a classroom, following step #1?  This is an overreach by the government.

Places of worship should avoid congregational or choir singing during services, as doing creates a higher risk of spreading infectious particles. Houses of worship should consider alternatives to congregational singing, including by playing pre-recorded or live instrumental music (e.g. pianos and guitars - no wind instruments) during services.  No.  The governor should review the Bill of Rights.  Government cannot restrict our form of worship.  Singing is a Biblical mandate for the church.  (Isaiah 12:5, Isaiah 42:10, Jeremiah 20:13, Romans 15:9, and about 14 verses from Psalms that direct Christians to sing to the Lord, plus others that I have not mentioned).  Again, if we are following step number 1, this is an overreach by the governor. 

Places of worship should consider taking congregants’ temperatures and asking about signs of illness before admitting them into the place of worship. If they do take temperatures, they should consider using a non-contact thermometer or thermal imager.  If a place of worship must use a standard oral/aural thermometer, consider having the congregant take their own temperature and relay the information to maintain social distancing and sanitize the thermometer after each use.  No.  I have instructed our church family that if they are feeling unwell or have a fever or other symptoms to stay at home.  These families are led by adults that can make these decisions. 

Places of worship making restrooms available must ensure restrooms are only used by one person at a time and all portions that are regularly touched (e.g., door, sink, and toilet handles) are appropriately disinfected after each use.  Excuse me?  Does Wal-Mart have to disinfect the restrooms after each use and are limited to one person?  Are the restrooms at factories disinfected after each use and are limited to one person?  I don’t think so.  This is another overreach of the government.  Perhaps the Governor should review the Commonwealth’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act which requires the government to use the least restrictive means of furthering a compelling government interest.  Unless Mr. Beshear is going to require Wal-Mart to limit their restrooms to a single person and insist that they be disinfected after each use, he cannot require the Church to do so. 

Places of worship conducting in-person services must, to the greatest extent practicable, provide hand sanitizer, handwashing facilities, tissues, and waste baskets in convenient locations, Really?  We have been doing this for years, it is common sense and common courtesy. 

Places of worship should not provide communal food or beverages to clergy, staff employees, volunteers, or congregants.  I hope that the Gov is referring to the grand Baptist tradition of potlucks and not to the practice of Communion, otherwise known as the Lord’s Supper a Biblical mandate to the Church.  (Refer to a previous response for my response to this suggestion; notice this is a “should not,” and not a “must.”  Perhaps they realized the thinness of this ice.)

The remaining requirements are either common sense things like proper cleaning and not touching your mouth or rehash previous statements. 

We will have in person services this Sunday.  We will gather, worship the Lord together, and fellowship together.  Yes, we will use common sense to help keep everyone safe-social distancing, hand sanitizer, no handshaking, etc.  We will not conform to these requirements that are in violation of our civil liberties, and more importantly, a violation of our sincerely held practices and beliefs.   

You may disagree with this.  You may think we are being reckless and insensitive.   If you are not comfortable coming to church or going to the store, or going to a restaurant, then do not.  That is your right.  But it is our right to do so if we chose.  Just as we will not harangue you for staying isolated, please do not harangue us for living our faith.  

Current Times in Light of the Bible

I consider myself a student of the Bible.  In fact, I have a Bachelors’ degree in Theology and am I test away from a Masters’ degree in Theology.  For over 20 years I have read, studied, and meditated on God’s Word consistently, but there are things that still confound and confuse me.  

There are many mysteries in the Bible (not my word, God Himself calls them mysteries).  One thing that always seems to intrigue people is the Book of Revelation.

The Book of Revelation details what will happen in the last days.  One of the key people in this explanation is the Anti-Christ.  Though never identified by name or specific details (wouldn’t that have been nice) we can understand quite a bit about him. 

To gain an understanding of the Anti-Christ, we need to look at another book in the New Testament, the book of Second Thessalonians, chapter two.  Let me quote the text below:

2:1 ¶ Now we beseech you, brethren, by the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, and by our gathering together unto him,

 2 That ye be not soon shaken in mind, or be troubled, neither by spirit, nor by word, nor by letter as from us, as that the day of Christ is at hand.

 3 ¶ Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;

 4 Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God.

 5 Remember ye not, that, when I was yet with you, I told you these things?

 6 And now ye know what withholdeth that he might be revealed in his time.

In verse number 3, we find the Anti-Christ by two other names, the “man of sin” and the “son of perdition.”  Notice that the text states very clearly that there will be a falling away and then the man of sin will be revealed.  Then again in verse 6, we find that the Anti-Christ will be revealed in his time. 

We can surmise that something happens that sets the stage for the Anti-Christ to be revealed.  Some catastrophe occurs that creates the perceived need of strong humanistic leadership.  We don’t know what this event or events may be.  Some have speculated that it would be a global war, terrorism, or an economic collapse that creates such an atmosphere.  Regardless of what the circumstances may be, the Anti-Christ will step up and say that he has the answers, he can save everyone. 

Notice with me verse 4 is a description of the Anti-Christ’s attitudes.  He opposes all that is of God; he exalts himself above all that is called God.  He sits in the temple of God, as if he was God.  What does all this mean?  The Anti-Christ views himself as above God or the notion or idea of worshiping God.  He would say that worshiping God is outdated or old fashioned, that holding to the Christian faith is not necessary or prudent during this day and time (during the great crisis).  The Anti-Christ will set himself up as having the solutions to all our problems.

How will people respond to the Anti-Christ?  With disdain and angst?  With disbelief and heartache?  To find out, we will look to Revelation 13

Re 13:4 And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?

 5 And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.

 6 And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven.

 7 And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.

 8 And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.

Notice that in verse 4, the people worshiped the dragon and the beast (the Anti-Christ).  In verses 5 and 7, power was given to the Anti-Christ and in verse 8, we see that all the earth will worship him.  The Anti-Christ becomes a world leader whom all adore and worship.  All that is, except those whose names are written in the Book of Life—those who are born again Christians. 

People respond to the Anti-Christ willingly.  If we were to continue studying in Revelation, we will see that the Anti-Christ proceeds with giving the people the mark of the beast.  The scriptures tell us that people cannot buy or sell without the mark.  People will surrender their basic civil liberties for the Anti-Christ, because he will save us all. 

One of the questions I always ask myself is how can this transpire?  How can we, freedom loving Americans, willingly surrender our rights and liberties to the Anti-Christ?   As I study the book of Revelation, I see no prophetic mention of the United States.  This tells me that we as a nation must surrender to the Anti-Christ readily early after he is revealed. 

Considering recent events, I have learned some things.  I have learned that the citizens of the United States will for the most part fall into line when someone says that “this is for the greater good.”  I have learned that the American people are easily panicked and will look for a strong voice in times of distress—any strong voice and that strong voice will become an overnight idol in the hearts and minds of countless thousands of people. 

Why will the world turn to welcome the Anti-Christ?  Because it is in our nature to do so.  We, as humans, have a need for a strong leader.  When one rejects God and His Saviour, that leaves your heart open for someone else to fill that need.  As the Beloved Apostle John tells us, we ought to try the spirits to see if they are of God.  Not all strong voices we are hearing these days are Godly.