The Princess Bride

One of my absolute favorite movies is The Princess Bride.  It has everything-romance, intrigue, action, humor, absolutely everything that a great movie (and an awesome book, by the way,) could need or want.  Since my college days, I could do a rather good impression of the Impressive Clergyman’s wedding ceremony.  You’ve probably heard of it, but not realize where it came from.  

"Mawwiage.  Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today.  Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dwean within a dweam.  And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah...so tweasuwe youw wove...Have you the wing?"  

There’s a significant truth in this funny quote.  Right there, almost in the middle— “that blessed arrangement.”  Marriage is indeed, a blessed arrangement.  Marriage began in the Garden of Eden.  God created man and saw that he was alone.  After every single other act of creation, God looked at His handiwork and said, “it is good.”  Not so with Adam.  God saw that something, or rather, someone was missing.  So, God created Eve.  Adam and Eve were joined in holy matrimony, creating the arrangement below. 

Notice a couple of things about this arrangement, if you will.  God is at the top of the triangle.  The husband and wife are at opposite ends of the triangle.  This is a beautiful picture of marriage.  Due to the nature of a triangle, as the Husband and Wife move closer to God, they move closer to each other.  Hopefully, you also see that the Husband and Wife are on the same plane—they are on the same level, equals, if you will. 

As a preacher, I’ve had many opportunities to talk with people about their marriage.  As a pastor, those opportunities have come more frequently.  Each marriage in unique, and the problems that each couple have are unique, but I have noticed some similarities. 

First, communication.  Men can talk to their buddies, to their dogs, to their truck or to the grass, but it seems as if men have a problem talking with perhaps the most important person in their life—their wife.  I’d be the first to admit that I have made this statement more than once: “I’m not a mind reader.”  Do you know what?  Neither is my wife.  If our marriage is to stay in this blessed arrangement, we must learn to really communicate with each other. 

Just a simple reminder:  communication has three parts.  The first is delivering a message.  The second is receiving the message, and the third, understanding the message.  In most marriages that get unbalanced, I see that one party is talking and the other party is not receiving the message.  Many times, we listen to respond, not to understand.  TALK TO EACH OTHER.  You’d be surprised how many misunderstandings, arguments, and spats would be avoided if a husband and wife would simply talk and seek to understand what the other is saying to them. 

Second, and may I be blunt?  Sex.  Sex was given by God to married couples to enjoy together; in fact, in Hebrews, we read that marriage is honorable and the bed is not defiled.  Intimacy is not a weapon to be used or leverage to be applied in a marriage.  When we attempt to use intimacy in this way, we cheapen and devalue it.  When sex is misused in the marriage relationship, the blessed arrangement is distorted—no longer are the husband and wife on the same level.  Intimacy and communication go hand in hand.  After almost 20 years in the ministry, I have seen that when one goes awry the other is sure to follow.  If you cannot talk to each other, how can you ever hope to be intimate with each other?  Oh, and before we move on, true intimacy is more than just physical activities. 

Third, leadership.  When one side of the marriage tries to become a dictator, things go sideways very quickly.  I cringe when during counseling with a couple, I hear the words “You will do this or else.”  Ultimatums should never be thrown down.  They never end well.  Yes, the Bible says that the man is to be the leader of the home, and in fact, the Bible teaches that the man will stand before God and give account for the way he leads his home.  This does not mean that the man is to be a dictator.  If you study the Bible carefully, you will notice something very unusual about successful leaders in the Bible.  They were all servant-leaders.  They led with authority, but they led by serving those around them.

   

Guys, let me talk to you for a minute: we can all quote the verse in Ephesians: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands.”  Oh, we love that verse and we love to remind our wives of that verse, don’t we?   Take your Bible and look up that verse—Ephesians 5:22. Read it.  Underline it.  Highlight it.  Now, read verse 21.  “Submitting yourselves one to another.”  Yes, the wife should submit to her husband’s leadership.  However, the husband should submit to his wife as well.  In this chapter, husbands are told three times to love their wives.  This love is qualified— “as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it (verse 25).  Husbands, if you love your wife sacrificially (i.e. putting her needs before your own), you will submit to her and she will submit to your leadership.  I am adamant about this:  if I love my wife properly, she will have no reason not to submit to my leadership, and she will delight in doing so.  My wife treats me like a king, because she knows she is my queen. 

Communication, intimacy, leadership.  These three items work together in such a way to form a blessed arrangement.  What does your triangle look like? 

Moms. . .

When you think of moms, you probably have a lot of different thoughts.  Maybe it’s that favorite dish of yours that mom made you.  Maybe it was some wise words of advice that she shared with you.  Or perhaps, an inside joke that only you and her would get.  When you think of your mom, do you think of that knock down drag out fight that you all had? 

Me?  When I think of my Mom, I think of missed opportunities.  You see, my Mom died when my oldest son was just a baby.  He’s 16 now, so Mom’s been gone about 15 years.  I think of things that Mom would have love to have been a part of.  The birth of my younger two sons.  Seeing them start school.  Watching them in 4H.  Watching them grow into fine young men.

I think of all the times I should have listened to her, but thought I knew better.  I think about those times I thought about calling her, but didn’t.  I think of the times that I thought about going home and visiting for a while, but was just too busy at the time.  Missed opportunities. 

Today would have been Mom’s birthday.  I can’t send her a card, buy her a gift, or even call her on the phone so I sit here and think of missed opportunities. 

Do me a favor, would you?  Go see your mom.  Call her.  Take her to lunch.  Learn from her experiences.  Absorb her wisdom.  Because one day, all you may be able to do is think of missed opportunities.  

Just a Little Sunrise

This morning, I was out early for a run.  Listening to nature as I ran towards our local park, the birds were singing, the water in the creek was rumbling, it was quite lovely.  The sun hadn’t been up very long at all, and I was reminded of the beauty of a new day.

This led to the thought of forgiveness.  Forgiveness is like the sunrise.  A new beginning, a new opportunity, another chance.  Can you imagine how dreary it would be if the sun never came up?  If night went on and on? 

Forgiveness is a new beginning, a new opportunity, another chance.  We need forgiveness like we need the sunrise.  The sunrise is automatic, forgiveness, not so much.  It’s a choice.

Without forgiveness, we grow angry, bitter, and resentful.  Have you ever noticed how when we go through a rainy season, everyone seems to get grumpy?  Or how when we go through a cold, gloomy, winter people are discouraged and even depressed?  But on that first beautiful spring day, when the sun shines forth, and the air warms, it’s like people are bursting out of their shells and everyone is in a great mood. 

Forgiveness does the same.  The Bible talks about a root of bitterness.  Bitterness comes from many seeds.  One of the most common is a lack of forgiveness.  We’ve all been in situations where we have grown bitter.  The description the Bible uses in talking about bitterness—a root—is phenomenal.  Think about what a root does.  It grows down.  Bitterness grows down into our own hearts.  A lack of forgiveness not only hurts others, it hurts ourselves.  Bitterness, if not plucked out, will grow to hatred.  How does that happen?  The root grows so deep into our heart that love is displaced by hatred.  And just as a tree root can break up a sidewalk, the root of bitterness can break our heart.  

Forgiveness comes from three directions.  First, we need to forgive others.  The Disciple Peter came to the Lord Jesus one day and asked how often he should forgive his brother that sinned against him.  Peter knew what the law said—7 times.  Let’s use this example:  you are shopping in a crowded store.  Someone steps on your toe.  They say something like “Excuse me” or “Sorry.”  You, almost automatically, “Oh, that’s okay.”  No problem, right?  A few moments later, they do it again.  They say I am so sorry.”  You still respond “That’s okay.”  We’ve all been there, right?  So, what happens if they step on your poor, abused, big toe 7 times?  Forgiveness isn’t going to come quite so easy.  Jesus looked at Peter and said no, 7 times 70.  Jesus gave the expectation that we would forgive those who, in our example, stepped on our toes 490 times. 

Forgiveness helps us grow more Christ like.  As a Christian, it should be our goal to be more Christ like every day.  Ephesians 4:32 tells us that we should be kind to one another, forgiving each other because God, for Christ’s sake, has forgiven us.  How many times have you asked the Lord to forgive you of something?  How many times has the Lord forgiven you?  If you were sincere in the asking, every single time.  How often do you willingly forgive those who have offended you? 

Second; we need to forgive ourselves.  We are not perfect.  We will make mistakes.  Please don’t translate what I just said into a license to do whatever you want to do.  I often hear people say “I’m just a sinner saved by grace.”  That is a true statement, but as Christians, we are expected to turn from our sins and grow in grace and knowledge.  Romans 6 is a great study on this topic.  Too many people cannot get past their past and move on.  We all have a past with things we regret.  We cannot cling to those regrets, those bad decisions, and allow them to hold us down.  

The Apostle Paul wrote about setting aside those weights that so easily beset us.  We often rightly attribute those weights to sin in our present life.  I also believe that we need to set aside those regrets of the past that we haven’t forgiven ourselves for.  How do we do that?  I think it should be a rather simple exercise.  First, and foremost, you should make them a matter of prayer and ask God to forgive you of those things.  Secondly, after you have settled it with the Lord, I would suggest you find a mirror, look into it, and tell yourself “I forgive you.”  Say it out loud.  Say it twice.  A third time if necessary.  Admit you made a mistake and move on.  Too many times, we confess our sin, we recognize that it was wrong, but we don’t forsake it.  We don’t leave it at the altar.  Again, this is not a license to sin, but an opportunity to get past the past and move on in your relationship with the Lord. 

Third, and most important, we need to have the Lord’s forgiveness.  The Bible speaks very clearly about our spiritual condition.  We are sinners.  We have sin in our life.  We need to come to the Lord, confess our sin, forsake it, and ask the Lord forgiveness.  The Lord will forgive us.  We cannot forgive ourselves, we cannot forgive others, until we first enjoy the forgiveness of the Lord.  The hard part has already been accomplished in our forgiveness--Jesus took that part on the Cross.    

Too long, we walk in darkness, wondering why the sun won’t rise on a new day when in fact, we are holding back the sunrise by withholding forgiveness. Enjoy the sunrise.  Enjoy forgiveness.  Pluck out the root of bitterness before it ruins your heart.