Lost and Found

I do not hate very many things.  I hate turnip greens.  I hate cold, rainy days.  I hate losing things.  There was a time that I lost my pocket knife and I pretty much accused my wife of taking it.  I did find it a few days later in the couch cushions.  

The last several weeks have seen a lot of loss in my church family.  We've seen several dear friends go on to Heaven, and that is always difficult.  Death can be hard to understand and even harder to explain to children.  Though I find that children tend to be more accepting of death than most adults, it is still difficult to explain the passing of a person from this life to the next.  Whereas a child will understand that death is something that comes to each of us, many adults never get past the questioning stage of grief. 

Why do we say that someone “lost” a loved one?  It’s not as if we misplaced them or set them down somewhere and forgot where we put them.  If you are a Christian, you have a definite understanding of what happens to folks after their earthly body passes away.  If you aren’t a Christian, I’m not sure what you believe happens to your soul or even if you believe that you have a soul.  But that’s a discussion for another day.

As much as I hate losing things, you know what I hate most?  I hate seeing people losing relationships.  I have a family member that has completely shut himself off away from the rest of our family; he has even moved across the country.  He doesn’t talk to anyone very much and when he does, it isn’t for very long.  He’s lost the benefit of the family relationship.  Think about where you might be without your family.  Yes, there might be a lot less stress and a lot less drama, but where would you be?

When friends drift apart and lose the relationship they once had, it is a difficult thing as well.  I have a friend that took a job in another state.  We haven’t really kept up and the loss I felt from the absence of that friendship has begun to fade.  When that relationship is totally gone, there will be something valuable missing in my life.  There has to be.  That friendship was important for a reason.  I may not realize why right now, but one day I will wake up and see what I’ve lost.

Losing thing, whether they are possessions, loved ones, or relationships, is always accompanied by the grieving process.  It is natural to grieve.  But you know what?  When I lost my pocket knife, I didn’t grieve over it and think it was the end of the world, I decided to find that knife.  Yes, I accused my wife of taking my knife (why I thought she would have done so, I don’t know); but I was determined to find it, and I did. 

This Thanksgiving, let’s take some time to evaluate those things in our lives that we have lost or are in the process of losing.  Take a moment to decide if you are going let these things stay lost or if you are going to find them.  You’d be surprised what you find if you only look for it.  

Wuv, Twu Wuv

One of the greatest movies of all time is The Princess Bride. If you haven't seen it, stop everything and go watch it right now. One of my favorite scenes is the wedding ceremony. The ceremony is performed by a priest with a slight speech impediment. "Wuv, Twu wuv bwings us togewer today."

I've spent the day pondering love and marriage. I think there are some things that I have learned about marriage that are worth sharing.

Honesty. This sounds simple right? Do you know how hard it is to be totally honest with another person? I have learned that honesty truly is the best policy. My wife may not always like what I say, but she knows it is the truth. It took me several years to learn that when my wife asks what's wrong with me, she isn't prying, but is concerned about me. My go to answer was always "Nothing." (sound familiar?) Be honest with each other. Sometimes just talking about the bad day at work makes it better.

Communication. Did you know that women are not mind readers? If I want my wife to know something (see last paragraph) I have to tell her. Many problems in marriages can be avoided through simple communication. The hardest part of communication is the most important part. . . Listening. Guys, let me help you out with this: listen to your wife. Give her your complete attention and let her talk. Don't try to fix her problems, just let her tell you about them.

Love. Love each other. I'm not talking about falling in love or being in love, but loving each other. Love is being considerate of the other person's needs. Love is putting the other person first. Love is putting yourself last. Love is cleaning the house when you really don't want to. Love is staying at home with the kids while your wife goes out with the girls. All in all, love is sacrifice. Love is a series of choices that you make every day.

A successful marriage is like a triangle--it has three sides. Honesty, communication, and love. Keeping your relationship on an even keel requires working on each of these three sides. If one of these sides is week, your relationship will be week as well. There's a reason we say we have to work on our relationships. . . they do require work.

Pickles

Have you ever stopped to think about those little things you do for the people in your life? You know, those small acts of kindness that you do just because?

What, you haven’t? Well, to be honest, I never have either until just a few days ago.

My wife had gone grocery shopping and picked up a jar of pickles for me. I love pickles. I could eat pickles on just about anything, or on their own as a side item. I can picture it in my mind; we are at a nice steak house.

Me: “I’d like the rib eye.”

The server: “And your side sir?”

“Hmm, should I go with the salad or the baked potato? I know . . . pickles.”

“Pickles it is.”

My wife knows I love pickles but I never stop to think about asking her to make sure that they are on the grocery list. If something is on my wife’s grocery list, it is as good as bought. You see, she loves lists like I love pickles.

Anyway, she came home and I was helping her put away the groceries. I found the pickles and thanked her profusely. I was already planning on my first helping of pickles.

A few days passed, and to be honest, I forgot all about the pickles. It was a frustrating few days with challenges at work and at home.

Let’s fast forward to Saturday morning. I was a little bit grumpy. Ok, I was ill, as we would say in Kentucky. Nothing was going right. My wife was off on a photography shoot. (Even though she could be a model, she is normally found on the other side of the camera. Check out her website at laurasmemories.webs.com.) The boys were being boys and the dogs needed to go out.

I let the dogs out and was standing in the backyard grumbling to myself about the day. I realized I was hungry and all of a sudden I remembered the pickles!

Such joy flooded my heart. It was like someone was giving me a big hug. My ill mood flew away as if it had never been there.

Who would have thought that a simple act of kindness like buying pickles would be able to change the entire direction of someone’s day?

It’s no wonder that these simple acts of kindness are important to us as humans. We need the simple common courtesies in our life to remind us of love. Think about the last time you held a door open for a lady or when someone held the door for you. That simple act of kindness probably made you smile.

Be kind to each other. Remember those small acts of kindness that can make the gloomiest day into a great day.

Oh, and that turkey sandwich with pickles was the best sandwich ever. I wonder if there are any pickles in the fridge. . .

The Straw

Have you ever heard of the expression "the straw that broke the camel's back?" I've been mulling that expression over in my mind all afternoon. The idea that a camel or any other type of animal would stand still and let someone continually add to the pile of straw without complaint or reaction is almost comical. Surely the camel would move? Surely the camel would step aside. But, no, the camel stands there until he can no longer bear the load and collapses with a broken back.

What is your breaking point? There are certain situations in life that we tolerate without much, if any, reaction. We accept the situation as normal or acceptable and continue on letting the burden grow. What is it going to take to break you? What is it going to take for me to break? Each of us has a breaking point, it just takes different things to move us to that point. And what happens when you reach your breaking point? Do you collapse under the weight of a thousand burdens? Or do you vocalize your frustrations by screaming and yelling? Perhaps you just collapse into yourself like a dying star, creating a black hole effecting everything around you?

I have been thinking a lot lately about the difference in being proactive and reactive. Most of us, most of the time, are reactive. We wait until we have reached our breaking point, and as Pop-eye would say, "I've had all I can stand, and I can't stands no more." We explode and all that is left is the ruin of relationships.

But what if we choose to be proactive? We confront these situations head on. How different would our circumstances be, if instead of being controlled by them, we confront them?

Think about that situation that has been bothering you for some time. We have a choice. Are we going to let it continue piling on us until we collapse under its weight? Or are we going to do something about it?

How about instead of reaching the breaking point and reacting by doing something we will regret, we deal with the situation head on? How might that turn out? It's got to be better than waiting until we cross the point of no return. Take a moment to reflect on those times the straw broke your back. Could have you prevented those? Learn from past mistakes and decide to be proactive.